Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind ...

Why did God invent wind?     To blow the leaves away -- gently, quietly, soothingly, naturally.

Leaf blowers?  Invented, of course, by the devil.

Last Friday, I was subjected to 1.5 hours of leaf blowing around and about my quiet little unit.

The young man had his requisite ear muffs on. Meanwhile, having shut all the windows, I contended with the endless droning. Finally the young man had collected a small insignificant pile of leaves, which he then proceeded to blow for miles down the driveway.

I, to my endless credit and self control, did not go out and make rude suggestions about what could be shoved where. I felt that the kind God who invented the gentle breeze was testing me. I vowed to come forth like pure gold, tried in the fires.

The following morning, as I returned from my training, there he was again, leaf blower in hand, ear muffs on.

I was, I must admit caught a tad off guard. The spiritual aura of the previous day had left me, and I asked him if he intended blow the tiny pile of leaves at his feet down past my unit.

Then I intimated, that if that was his intention - to blow the tiny pile of leaves with the leaf blower on full throttle past my little serene unit ...

I intimated where the leaf blower on full throttle might be shoved.

Brian Edwards sums up my feelings well ...

To add insult to ear injury, I noted that the following day, Sunday,  many leafs were back on the drive way.

Leaves do that sort of thing, you know.

Besides the health issues around leaf blowers are well doumented.

And we all know, why it is men who feel the need to grab one of these things ......

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Baby its cold outside ...

 It has emerged that global warming is a reality.

Professor Henry Fudgedyke of the Academy for Research into the Science of the Environment or ARSE, said yesterday that “it’s been so cold that it must get warmer. Thus global warming is a fact”.

Fugdedyke went on to point out that every 24 hours, all over the globe things get cooler, and then they get warmer again. “It is a cycle,” he said “and it’s called the global warming cycle”.

He cited Auckland, Nu Zulun where temperatures fell to 2’C and then warmed again to 10’C.  “That’s global warming in a nutshell,” he said.

Finally, the Professor outlined the latest research of ARSE into ice-creams melting . He stated that incontrovertible proof could just possibly emerge out of ARSE's ice-creams that global warming caused them to melt.

The Academy of Research into the Science of the Environment (ARSE) hopes to soon be sponsored by the IPCC (The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change).

“We are hoping that the IPCC will support ARSE,” he said. “If they don’t, we are happy to change our research findings so that they will eventually fully back ARSE”.

Professor Fudgedyke then had to abruptly end the interview stating “gosh, it’s cold enough to freeze spherical objects of a brass monkey!”