Fantastic to have you with us

I take a modicum of pleasure in TV One’s Breakfast show. I miss Paul Henry. Apparently he returns to our screen soon – I can’t wait. I didn’t always like Paul, but here is a guy with really a spontaneous sense of humour. He laughs at is own jokes aka Billy Connelly.

To be an announcer on this programme you have to master certain opening lines:

Brilliant you could join us.
Fantastic to have you with us.

Fantastic and brilliant can be swapped or replaced by great, fabulous, marvelous.

I have yet to hear incredible, sensational, stupendous, extraordinary… but it is only a matter of time.

I guess that why I like the show .. it gives you a buzz furst thung un a Nu Zulun morning to be so appreciated!! By people who don’t even know you exist!

But imagine the truth!

Unlikely to have you with us
Bizarre to have you with us
Amazing that you could join us
Absurd to have you with us
Awful to have you with us

But first here is Mirama with the news!

or is that Tamati with the weather?

Just a walking in the rain

There is a new craze. It is called pedestrianism. No, I didn’t spell Presbyterianism wrong. It basically means getting around on foot – that is by running or walking and I guess zimmer frames count.

Actually pedestrianism was all the rave in the 19th and early twentieth century when people would travel for hundreds of miles on foot. It seems that both marathon running and race walking trace their origins to groups of dazed people staggering around the byways and highways of Europe and American These days it centres around a new urbanism which eschews motorized transport in favour of legging it.

Apparently there is a course at a University of Iowa in the subject of Aggressive Pedestrianism. All sorts of papers are offered at Bachelors and Masters levels. You can get a BA Ag Ped or an MA Ag Ped. You can even do a doctorate.

Some of the papers offered are:

999:001 Foundations of Jaywalking

999:010 Accelerated Rhetoric/Accelerated Walking

999:080 Traffic Signs and Semiotics

999:620 Street-Walking, Street-Crossing, Cross-Dressing

My running club is leading the pack in Nu Zulun in this area, though they don't called in Pedestrianism - they don't want to be thought too religious! They call it by the quaint old term WALKING.

Which reminds me a key event they hold annually is coming up soon:

King and Queen of the mountain

Rumour has it that a man in a frock carrying a handbag competed with distinction last year!

Become a sports announcer

Here is a another list taken from NZ Olympic sports broadcasters. Learn these to get a job! Especially for commentating on marathons

No stone has been left unturned for a medal
It's every man for himself
keeping their gun powder dry for the business end of the race
It's all come down to this
The pace is hot - the day is hot
Can he survive?
He's having to focus - having to concentrate
We have some serious casualties here
Just starting to struggle
We've seen this before
It's getting tough
Drifting off the back -just like that
This is where it starts to count
It's going to take something special
It is fast - it is furious
Maybe just starting to show some signs of wear and tear

Sort the wheat out from the chaff

AND my favorites!

He's put all his cookies in the first half of the marathon basket
Anything can happen at any time for any of those runners.

The old weetbix – she ain’t what she used to be.

A friend of mine at the running club reckons that modern weetbix is not a match for the stuff of his youth. He complains bitterly that when you pour hot mail on it, it does not break up and disintegrate as in days of old. There is the feeling of conspiracy in his voice. I jokingly suggested that it was micro-waved hot milk that was at fault. My friend has switched to porridge – the staple of the Scots. My scottish mother was given up for dead 6 years ago

I’m sorry everything that could be wrong is wrong with her …

She’s still heartily zimmer-framing around the rest home as feisty as ever. She’s been a porridge girl every day of her life. She’s going on 87 and as recently decided to give up smoking for good – as you often do at 87.

Get a move on ladies!

The mens 5000 metres was superb: the women’s 5000 metres was a total bore. It took decades for women’s middle distance running to become part of the Olympic programme. There was nothing longer than 400 until 1964 and after that gradually longer events were added.
However, at Athens and now at Beijing, women are proving beyond all doubt they do not deserve to have these events. The women are simply not competitive and have set new depths of utter Olympic boredom. Some laps in the 5000 metres were run in over 90 seconds. The finishing time was pathetic. Watching the race you could be forgiven for having a death wish. Compare this with the mens 5000 metres run by Bekele of Ethiopia in a world class time. Bekele had already won the 10 000 metres. What an athlete and how he dealt to those Kenyans swallowed up in his Beijing track dust.

They dropped the stick!

If you live in the USA, you could be forgiven for thinking that the only people competing at the Olympics are Americans. They give new meaning to the word parochial. Yet they complain of Chinese censorship. With the Olympics, the US becomes completely self-absorbed. It is solipsistic, egoistic self-absorption – narcissism on a grand scale.

Sadly they were not united in either the men's or women's 4 x 100 metres relay cos they dropped the old stick twice! What is this? Kids in the schools sports don't drop the baton. Yet these Olympic Americans can't keep the baton off of the ground.

I used to think that Nu Zulun coverage was parochial – but all is forgiven. Nu Zulunders are in fact generous in their praise for sports talent from whatever country. Indeed Nu Zulun TV commentary is peppered with superlatives about athletes from other countries, including the USA.

The unforgiving minute

Within the bell lap in the Olympic 1500 metres - the so-called blue ribbon event - there lies about one minute in which the most iconic dramas in track and field have been played out. It is lap that calls for great intelligence, incredible coolness and supreme strategizing. It also calls for finding that something deep within oneself that transcends the rational, explainable realm of the everyday world.

With the bell lap for Nick Willis last night, things look rather dicy. Nick is second to last. Yet with intelligence, coolness and strategizing, he gets a bronze medal. Only those who have run this distance themselves truly understand what a splendid piece of work on the hoof this is.

What is so likeable about Nick is the sense of humility he brings to his performance. He presents himself as a thoughtful Christian man who is not intent on proselytizing or Bible bashing anyone. He simply shares where his strength lies - his God. Beyond that, his legs, his running, his discipline and his decency signpost that transcendent reality that has become for him the bedrock of his life.

So back to Kipling's words:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

Best Olympian Ever

Michael Phelps is a phenonmenon. But is he the best Olympian ever? As many have pointed out, in swimming there are many ways to get up that pool, and thus obviously far more chances of winning a medal. There is no backwards running - or sideways for that matter.

The best Olympian ever? It is a daft question. It's comparing apples with durian. Al Oerter won 4 consecutive discus golds over a period of four olympics setting new Olympic records each time.

Paavo Nurmi? Carl Lewis? You add your favourites .... Let's stop asking dumb questions - there are a few - in their respective events - of calibre and achievement that leave us gob-smacked. To compare is to insult.

Turns out we do

Yes Indeed... Valerie Vili was totally in control. Magnificent concentration and a superlative putt.

It is times like these we need to avoid the cliches.

Yet cliches are what our Olympic commentators feed upon.

I jotted down a few in the space of ten minutes:

this is the business end of the race.
this is where the going gets tough.
digging deep and taking up the gauntlet.
someone has to do something.
the race is her's to loose.
it's difficult to hang in there and maintain your composure.
it will come down to a sprint finish.
she'll hear the roar of the crowd any minute.
giving it a go.
giving it everything she's got
to get the job done
this is an example of what not to do
they have to get it together
you've hit the nail on the head
as things stand
starting to tie up a little

Master these phrases and you could be another Toni Street!

Nick Willis could well be in the medals. Or now that medal is becoming a verb. Nick Willis could well medal in the 1500 final.

1500 finals are notorious for slow starts. I suspect this one will be no expception. The best 800 metre runner should win it. The most masterly 1500 ever was Rome, 1960. Herb Elliott took control with about 600 m to go and ran a time of 3:35.6 which is still very respectable these days.

Rising to the occasion

One of the concerns after the 2004 Athen’s Olympics was that many Kiwi competitors were unable to cope with the stress and demands of the occasion. It was a criticism too of the All Blacks after the world cup.

Are the wheels coming off the NZ team’s performance at Beijing? Too often the expression “heart-break for so-and-so in the pool" or whatever event is becoming a frequent refrain by the broadcasters.

The question is: Have our Kiwis got the intellectual and emotional merchandise to hit pay-dirt or will it be a case of fade-out, let down and wipe-out when things matter most?

Let’s hope we have some in Beijing who have a little of that magnificent control of Snell at the Tokyo Olympics in 64. Watching reruns of his 800 and 1500 metres, one can only marvel at his masterly domination in both finals.

Measure that pool again

The americans including boy-wonder Phelps did the 400 free relay in a time of 3:08.24, smashing four seconds off the previous world record.
How can that be? Astonishing.

Years ago they had an international marathon here in Nu Zulun - the notorious Choysa marathon of November 13, 1977. Some Australian dude, Dave Chettle, won it in an a time of 2:02:24 which was minutes under the world record. - Suspicion was aroused and the course remeasured - it was a short course.

Home can be a dangerous place

In was a glorious though chilly Sunday morning in Auckland town in old Nu Zulun. I took a long steady walk with friends around the beach and rocks between Milford and Takapuna. The rocks require a certain dexterity to avoid injury. We negotiated them without misfortunate. Later in the morning I fell down some stairs-come-ladder at home and sustained some nasty grazes. The rest of the day was spent on the couch tending wounds, sipping ale and watching the Olympics.

falling in love is so hard on the knees ....

Holdin hands at midnight waiting for the games

With bated breathe and eager anticipation I await the opening ceremony. However, I know when the hours cometh in Nu Zulun (2:08 am on the 9th of August) I will probably have slunk off to bed.
We are not that former strength which moved heaven and earth …

They’ll play the highlights at a more Godly hour. Tis then I shall watch









And I'll have a little refreshment as I do.

TVNZ have a great Olympic site and so far … great coverage. Indeed they were one of the first overseas TV crews to set up in Beijing.

Who’s gonna win what? My interest is the track and field. I shall make my prediction before the final. See how many I get.

Get a grip of yourself Nu ZULUN

Well, it’s official Nu Zulun is in recession. Or at least we have talked ourselves into a recession. A few days ago we were “slipping into recession”.

Who's gonna help us!

And before that “the economy was softening”.

It’s hardly a hard science. But they give so-called empirical evidence using the language of science. It is now a “technical” recession. (ie. Two consecutive three months periods of contraction (sounds like a long hard labour!). And admittedly we’ve been had by labour for a long time.


So now we are “in the grip of a recession.” This recession folks has got us by the short and curlies! We have “to tighten our belts.”

Even the BBC says so … we are in contraction.

What is contraction? Negative growth folks. - 0.3% the quarter before this and probably something similar this last June quarter.

So the lolly scramble is over! But on the bright side the dollar is heading down and overseas students are heading our way agin!

The auspicious opening ceremony

666 is not a popular number among Christians but 888 is most auspicious (the number of resurrection they say). Likewise the old 8 appears auspicious for the opening ceremony. 8:08 on the 8 of the 8th, 2008. That's 88888!!

Free Photo Bank
Trouble is:
A smoggy day in Beijing town
had me up and it had me down
viewed the games with much alarm
the Birds Nest might loose its charm

How long I wondered would this smog last

but the age of miracles had not passed ....


Suddenly you were standing right there and in old Beijing town the sun was shining shining shining everywhere!!

I was in Beijing back in 1984. My, things were different then. Shops for foreign visitors were called souvenir shops. There were no great shopping centres and the Mao suit (in blue or green) was ubiquitous.

The Forbidden City was mindblowing - the Emperor's Place likewise. We lined up to see the Great Helmsman lying in state. It was great to see something of the old China before the vast changes.

The Olympics Draweth Nigh

Let the curtains be drawn, the cellphone switched off, and fast food meals be stacked up frozen in the fridge. The Olympics is (not are - it is a singular like maths and physics) upon us. I admit I can't wait. Sadly, I suspect Nu Zulun will not win that many medals.

I do suspect China will spring many surprises - even in track and field - which is not their strong point.

I hope the bad ghosts of Olympics past (Munich, Montreal) stay away.


Sadly. my own form

as you can see is

not quite up to Olympic Standard


Run rabbit, run rabbit run, run, run .....

Attack is the best means of defence

Nu Zulun liked most countries is blighted and benighted by an infestation called politicians. These creatures who plague is particularly acute in our capital, Wullungtun, are often overwhelmed by their own sense of self importance.

Chief among them is one Winnie Petus, who, when questioned by the media about donations to his party, gives the most incomprehensibly incoherent replies that make lewis Carrol's "brilig and the slithy tove" emminently reasonable.

He is the kind of guy who might well think the sun only rises in the morning to hear him crow.