The old weetbix – she ain’t what she used to be.

A friend of mine at the running club reckons that modern weetbix is not a match for the stuff of his youth. He complains bitterly that when you pour hot mail on it, it does not break up and disintegrate as in days of old. There is the feeling of conspiracy in his voice. I jokingly suggested that it was micro-waved hot milk that was at fault. My friend has switched to porridge – the staple of the Scots. My scottish mother was given up for dead 6 years ago

I’m sorry everything that could be wrong is wrong with her …

She’s still heartily zimmer-framing around the rest home as feisty as ever. She’s been a porridge girl every day of her life. She’s going on 87 and as recently decided to give up smoking for good – as you often do at 87.