Woman in black Ooh, ooh, woman in black ...

Billy Connolly suggests there is an reason some women dress completely in black - it is know by the very medically technical term as "fatness".

Connolly argues blackness hides fatness.

We lay people know it simply as "obesity".

But I am not so sure this is the reason.   Anyhow, back to the beginning...

Every morning, on my bus, I gaze out of my window on a sea of black. Now , I realize males have to wear black suits - though I disdain them.

But why, oh why are there so many women attired from head to toe in black.

Just exactly, ladies, where is the funeral?

I suspect, the reason goes deeper into the female psyche than Billy Connolly suggests.

You see, dear reader, the phrase "All Black" has been profoundly and indelibly etched into the Nu Zulun sub-consciousness.

It is undeniably the case that  women cannot qualify to be a member of the All Blacks, so (in their lust and envy), the very latest research suggests they do the next best thing and dress in all black.

In psychology, this is called a defense mechanism termed "compensation". (or was that condensation??)

However, it has also emerged that women can in fact break free of this "psychological bondage" to black.

Sally Arbuckle, leader researcher at the Academy of Black Clothing (or ABC), reports that all a women has to do is sally forth in bright, cheerful, heart-warming colors.

Arbuckle said, "Clothes not only maketh the man, they doth maketh the woman as well. As your color is, so will your psychological mood be". She added that the chief reason for so many depressed women, was black clothing.

So come on women, you have nothing to lose but your gains ......

And remember, mood spelt backwards is doom!