Put you sweet lips a little closer to the phone, lets pretend that we're together all alone ...

It has been brought to my attention by semi-reliable sauces that I have been hacked.

My sensitive smart little MOTOROLA with the stunning Android-thingy-whatsit has been emotionally invaded!

Details of my private life have been leaked to the Press (It was only a matter of time).

Of course the details are a tissue of filthy lies and in-you-end-doe  that bare only some minor and insignificant relationship to the truth (whatever that might possibility be).

First of all, I want to clearly state that I was not seen last Friday running out of the New World Supermarket in Birkenhead in the green dress.

The dress was in fact aqua-marine.

Secondly, I did not have a brown paper bag over my head.

The bag was in point of fact a delicate sort of clayish shade.

Thirdly, there was in actual fact no actual third point to be addressed.

In fact, it was an envelope that was addressed.

Finally and fifthly, contrary to what some say, I can count to ten.

The likeness is remarkable