But if baby I'm the bottom, you're the top ...

The undoubted highlight of the Calliope Club's track season is the club championships.

They begin on Wednesday 10th February - so pencil them in folks!

A few basic rules apply - ya gotta be a paid-up bona fide club member wearing a club uniform. And there is one more rule about the minimum number of events you must compete in ... but I forget that so watch this space for that ...

The club champs have a certain decathlon feel to them. Cos to become club champ (male and female) you have to have accumulated as many points as possible. You do this by competing in as many events as you can (1 point for entering and finishing folks) and of course more points for the winner and place getters.

Unlike the decathlon, the events are held over a number of successive Wednesdays.

For men, the events are: 100, 200, 400, 800, 1500, 5000 and 10,000 metres together with the high jump, long jump, triple jump, shot put, discus and javelin. No hammer and pole vault (thank goodness). Oh, yes ... and no hurdles (again thank goodness) - don't let the photo mislead you!!

For women, the events are: 100, 200, 400, 800, 1500, and 3000 plus of course the field events aforementioned.

Here is the full programme.

So the big question is: who will be the tops? It will probably be me! and Geoff could be second.

Cole Porter suggested a number of symbols for the TOPS in his song. He also suggested some images of the loser including a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop! A touch of viagra anyone?

Well dear reader, I am proud to say that no Calliopian who competes can be deemed a flop.

So once more into the breach dear friends! To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield and all that Jaaaazzz! (Sorry Bill and Alfred)

Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I would like to be?

The names on a club's trophies in a sense celebrate the sporting heros of that club ... but more on that later ....

The track and field programme at Calliope is now in full swing folks.

Wednesday Jan 27th sees the running of the Tim Hutchings 1500 metre trophy event at the Calliope athletic Club. A crowd of proportions is expected for this long anticipated epic dual among the top track stars at the club.

The Tim Hutchings Trophy is one of the newer cups amongst the clubs collection. Unlike the Bill Taylor Trophy which is age and gender graded, this race is a purely scratch event. Also it is a one off event; whereas the Bill Taylor is held over four events. I have waxed eloquently on this before.

Tim Hutchings was a  top UK athlete, who spent a period in New Zealand in the 1980's and, not surprisingly, had an association with the famous Calliope Club. He is featured here on the Sporting Heros site.

After his retirement Tim became a TV commentator for many of the great world athletic events.

Here is a photo of Tim running in the 5000 m at the AAA championships in 1986.

The 1500 will consist of 5 laps of the 300 metre track at the Osborne Memorial Park in Birkenhead.

For most of the 20th century it was the mile that captured the imagination of the public, particularly as it was associated with the 4 minute barrier.

So the 1500 came to be known as the metric mile, although it is around 109.3 metres short of the full mile distance.

The world record for the 1500 is 3:26 set by Hicham El Guerrouj in 1998. Here is a patchy view of the race.

I suspect there will be no attempt at this world record at Calliope on Wednesday night!

And contrary to some false reports, Zindal Osgood will not be making a comeback to act as pacemaker - so please put that entirely ridiculous rumour to rest folks.

Food glorious food …there’s nothing quite like it .. when you’re in the mood …

 Like some of you aspiring amateur chefs, I too have been watching Master Chef: The Professionals over the Christmas break.

Made a wonderful change from Sainsbury’s slackening jowls Close Up, I must say.

But I was, Frankly, disappointed. Night after night, I waited for that great English iconic dish to be on the menu - Tripe and Onions.

I wanted to see how the eventual winner Derek Johnstone might turn out a Traditional Michelin Star Quality dish of Tripe and Onions.

The trouble is the mere sight of a dish of Tripe and Onions on the TV screen can set some viewers with dainty stomachs to serious Volcanic-like gagging.

Indeed, perhaps one or two of my dear readers are gagging right now at the mere thought of such a sight.

That is why, out of the kindness of my heart, I am not posting a picture of the treasured dish! Rather, I simply give you this helpful link to a picture of Tripe and Onions. Made with, yes you guessed it: Tripe and Onions ( I figure you know what an onion looks like!)

It is kind of like maths. People either love or hate Tripe and Onions.

I love Tripe and Onions (and maths). There is nothing more delightful than the keen sense of a piece of well-cooked tripe slithering down the back of one's throat - heaven!

And if you can be solving a nice piece of calculus at the same time .....

And to my delight, I have discovered that the Elliott-Bateman Curry Kitchen now make a Tripe and Onions in a white parsley sauce, available in New World Supermarkets folks.

BON APPETIT!

Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea ...

I have a penchant for karaoke. So do my Filipino friends.
So on the evening of New Years Day I joined these friends for a house warming.

After some food and a few beers, out came the karaoke equipment and a selection of what seemed like 10,000 choices of song.

And so we warbled into the night. I reserved my favourites and did Sinatra proud.

After the song, you get a percentage score. I kicked off with something in the early eighties. Tolerable.

We sang on passing the two microphones on like relay batons. Midway through proceedings the top score was 95% posted by one the these fine Filipino songsters.

It was time to pull out my secret weapon - the one song I knew I could count on!

PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON - It had never failed me before.

With confidence I took the microphone and intoned the Peter Paul and Mary classic.

99%  and well earned applause.

Trouble is, in the Philippines the number 99 carries great significance.

It basically means you are one sandwich short of a picnic, not the full deck, out to lunch, lights are on nobody home, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, a kangaroo loose in the top paddock .... if you get my drift.

But I am sure that is not true of me ... as you can see dear reader ...

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I .......

Time to resolve, vow, declare and fully intend to do better and be better.

Yes, it is resolution time again.

Many years ago, I made a New Year’s resolution: Never make another News year’s resolution!

May I say folks – it has been rather easy to keep.

I heartily recommend it.

Why don’t we try New Year’s absolutions, dissolutions, or better still convolutions.

The last one I really like: New Year's Convolutions. It has a ring -a ding ding to it.

Take time this year to make things far more complicated than they ever needed to be. People will thank you for your convolutions.

Obscure, obfuscate,confound and confuse issues to your heart's content.

Bewilder and bamboozle people and they will admire you deeply.

It is the surest way to make sure nothing is accomplished.

Anyhoo, Happy New Year, dear reader.

My secret love’s no secret anymore……

It is time for that great Calliope secret to a great performance - secret training.

We will have barely scraped into 2010 when a couple of key events will confront the New Zealand race walking community.

The first, on January 10th, will be a 20 km trial to select teams of four men and four women to compete in an inaugural Trans-Tasman challenge against an under 23 Australian team.

The second, on February 22nd, will be the actual Trans-Tasman test in Hobart. It will be the first time in around 28 years that a New Zealand Australia challenge has taken place.

This blogger is hoping to front up in the January 10 trial. Although the men’s qualifying time of 1hr 50 is somewhat beyond my current race walking talents, the trial will be an opportunity to improve on my personal best in trying to approach the 2 hr mark.

I am entering a phase of  secret training  for the event.

We Calliope athletes are renown for secret training!

I am hoping my friend Tyrell, one of the great  secret trainers of all time will give me tips on how to keep my  secret training a secret – cos  this here blog certainly isn’t helping!

The picture below shows me out on one of my secret training sessions.

Now I hear you saying "where the heck is he?"

Well folks, that's a secret!!

What a wonderful world...

The il mondo trophy event is very arguably the most significant event on the race walking calendar. Once again this year, only the most elite walkers fronted up to Greenwoods corner for this auspicious occasion.


It involves 3 laps of a 2 km circuit which for the most part is either downhill or uphill. Someparts were particularly steep as the photo on the left makes clear.

Drama unfolded near the beginning as David gained a significant early lead on Mike. Yours truly fell in well behind Brooke and Alana to occupy fifth spot. Mike soon caught David and lead by almost 3 minutes at the finish.

Meanwhile back among hoi polloi walkers, an epic battle was being fought out for third place. By some Christmas miracle I caught the two lovely ladies during the second lap. The crowds were aghast in amazement. People on roofs clapped and ovated.

Up the final steep section we strove and strode stride for stride. I carefully explained to the girls that the sand was wet because the seaweed. This knowledge seemed to upset their rhythm. The tension was palpable.

At the finish it was a dead heat for third as these here results testify.

After the obligatory radio and TV interviews, we adjourned to a local coffee bar to plan the next great race.

You've come such a long way With no one to comfort you Or to tell you you're needed .....

The Calliope Athletic Club wound up for the year with its prize giving and Christmas party last Wednesday night.

Prior to the party, two events captured the imagination of the crowd: a one mile run followed by a one mile walk.

(For those of you brought up in the decimal age – one mile is 1609 metres to the nearest metre.)

Doing these mile events brought tears to many of the more mature athletes as they remembered those halcyon imperial days of old when they were fleet of foot.


It is an established rule in the club, that those aforementioned mature athletes may not have the assistance of their zimmer frames. However, a special zimmer frame race is envisioned as a future possibility.

Over 35 athletes (aged between 9 and 72) competed in the two events. Rod, the meeting director and astute timekeeper, deftly recored all times to one-hundredth of a second (as you do).

My friend Mike won the mile walk in 7:30 (a time not to be sneezed at). Yours truly managed a sound 8:25, passing the 1500 in 7:50.

Then it was on to the prize giving. Allan and Peter handed out cups and shields left, right and center. Certificates flew in all directions. Sandra brought a wheelbarrow for her collection.

Particularly notable was the fact that the marathon walk championship cup (won by Dave) was twice the size of the half marathon walk cup.  - ponder that folks!

Then a rather raunchy, risqué Santa turned up to dispense $10 secret gifts to the gathered Calliope congregation.

Finally came the hour of separation. We couldn't speak.

It had all been too much ....

Poor, poor Joseph, what'cha gonna do? Things look bad for you, hey, what'cha gonna do?

The poster has certainly caused some consternation in the Christian ranks.
Actually, the poster allows me to introduce an interesting topic - well interesting to me anyhooo.

SEMIOTICS

Semiotics is the study of how meaning in constructed through signs and symbols.

Signs and symbols include things like "ordinary language", logos, and pictures. The semiotics of traffic lights are fairly obvious.

Now those who rant and rave about the above poster, don't really appreciate semiotics.

The poster has a number of elements that contribute to its meaning: The words, the pictures, the relationship of the words to the pictures.

But there are other issues as well. The viewer/reader brings his/her own understandings to the interpretation.

Also the poster exists within larger contexts of culture and a range of other texts - the main one being the Bible.

So the first thing that must be said is that interpretations will be many and varied.

And that is precisely why this poster is of value at this time of year. It promotes discussion. It sidelines santa!

However, look at the semiotics of this next image!

How might it be interpreted?

And this last one from Japan.

I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me ....

What is it about Christmas that brings out the nicest and nastiest in folks?

Christmas can be fuming, fiery blend. It is a time of unsurpassed unrealistic expectations and mind-bending nostalgia. All of this can be a recipe for stress, loneliness, disappointment and an acute sense of loss when loved ones are no longer around.

Now I am starting to sound just a smidgen negative and I don’t want to.

Perhaps there are two Christmas stories running at the same time:

1. The rather inconvenient story of the humble baby from Nazareth, born in a barn. The one who clearly enunciated that the way to happiness was to seek a both transcendent yet internal reality and presence that could not be gained by any temporal reliance on materialistic external factors.

2. Then there is that other story. Our own individual story that we concoct in our heads about just how our Christmases should (must?) be. “This Christmas Story” is fed by unceasing commercial and media propaganda. The story, more often than not, repeats the mantra that our personal happiness depends on external factors: presents, goodies, events, people and everything going perfectly (or at least semi-swimmingly).

So it seems at Christmas there is a quintessential clash of narratives. I confess, like many others, I often find myself caught swinging between the two stories.

Perhaps it is a clash between presence and presents.