Climb every mountain .....

Rumour has it, that to celebrate the 60th year after the first ascent of Everest in 1953, work will commence on a gondola system in 2013 to take tourists up the mountain.

It is believed, that when it is finished in 2017, people will be able to ascend to the very top (otherwise know as the summit) in style and comfort. It has been confirmed that each gondola will be equipped with a unique toilet.

Tolugh Horickson, Professor of wast reconversion at the University of Greater Wooping said, "The urine would be converted into the oxygen and water that the tourists will need at such great heights". He added that "the  faeces could possibly be reconstituted in synthetic hamburger patties for hungry ascenders."

It is thought that tourists with constipation with be given laxatives before entering each gondola.

It is believed that at any one time, over 12,345 could be peeing and pooing their way up and down the mountain.

Experts from over 45 countries will be involved in designing the whole apparatus it has emerged. It is said that over 1213 enginners will be involved in the construction.

But Diamonds are a girl's best friend ....

Rumour has it that her Majesty Queen Elizabeth Windsor Rex II may just possibly abdicate after her current Diamond Jubilee.

Sauces close to a few people who might know some members of the Royal family have suggested that resignation might just per-chance be on the agenda.

Other sauces, have said that such rumours are arrogant nonsense. Tony Smith, professor of monarchistic studies at that  University of South Whopping by the Sea said, "Such rumours also did the rounds at Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee. My research suggests that Elizabeth will go on and on and on and on ... until she drops."

However, some bookies are giving reasonable odds on an abdicatory act by Elizabeth Wrecks.It has emerged that some bookies have access to extremely private royal intimacies of a delicate nature.

A spokesperson for one such typical bookie said, "It could just happen! And then people would be laughing out the other side of their face".

Meanwhile,  it has come to light that a right wing ex-fundamentalist Christian group are planning an abdication parade for the Queen. A spokesperson for the leader of the group said, "We hope it doesn't rain on her parade  ... and oh yes there will be lost of balloons and stuff."