Sunday, January 29, 2012

Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell ....

AAh the Beatles again!
SDTs found at NZ Herald as it faces tougher times.

It has come to light that there could possibly be discontent and SDTs at the NZ Herald in the future. Several close sources have suggested that some journalists may not entirely be satisfied with their pay levels.

 At the same time, it has also emerged that some journalist might possibly be a little “flexible” and may indeed be, at times “inventive” with what we often tend to call “the truth”. 

One source said “sometimes they never say who said what”; they simply attribute their so-called “knowledge” to “sources”.

It has emerged, that some of the Herald’s sources may not be as reliable as my sources. A close source revealed that the Herald may rely on some sources who, in turn rely on yet other sources.

Researchers have suggested that this reliance on “sources” was once termed “gossip” or even the now derogatory term “Chinese whispers”.

It has been reported, however, that the NZ Herald may well have officially banned the use of the word “gossip” in favour of the term “source driven truths” or SDTs for short. However, it has been confirmed that there has been no confirmation of phone hacking by the newspaper. However, it has been revealed that if phones have been hacked, no steps will be left taken to find out those responsible. 

A key source stated that “any tapping discovered will be uncovered along with any boozy lunches and other such naughty goings-on.” The source went on to say “we will force it (that is the taps)  to the surface and that no leaks should not be believed”.

It is understood that if any investigation is forthcoming, it will be conducted. A reliable source stated that a source told her so.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

I read the news today oh boy / About a lucky man who made the grade ....

Back after a long break!

The New Zealand Herald ... broadsheet or tabloid .... news or gossip?

A leading story yesterday was on the great league/rugby/boxing star ... Sonny Bill Williams also know as SBW.

The article was a fine example of tabloid journalism.

I love discourse analysis, and a short and brief analysis revealed what a load of unadulterated trash this "story" was.

I have selected a few choice morsels from the article for you dear readers and notice the morsels come with their sauces (sources)

and here they are:

“All Black Sonny Bill Williams has been linked to a new girl” (linked by who(m)?)

Sources yesterday said that Williams, 26, was dating …” What sources?

They [ the sources??] said the pair had been seeing each other …” Again, what sources?

One source said Sally Ridge met Williams after ….:  Who is this source?

“ ….blah, blah, blah  according to the source.”    Who? Is this tomato sauce?

Another source close to the couple said the news of the new relationship came as a shock". dah???

It is understood Ms Ridge has been spending time in   …”  Understood by whom?

“In December, it was reported the she was in a relationship with …..”  who reported?

“She dumped Dwayne and hooked up with Sonny Bill Williams, one source said".  …who said? Chile source?

The phrases in bold red are telling, are they not? (pun)

On my next blog, I think I'll construct a little story about the NZ Herald from my many sources!!!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The long and winding road that leads to .......

Evolution  ... the very word strikes fear ( not really fear .... more like consternation) into the heart of many a good Christian.

I have some dear, intelligent, friends who believe that the earth was created around 6000 to 10,000 years ago.

This is a belief held in the face of evidences from just about every scientific discipline that the universe is some 13 billion years old and the earth itself some 4.5 billion years.

Now even if you are not a maths wizard, you will realise that there is a modicum of difference between 10,000 years and 4,500,000,000 years -- more zeros if nothing else!

The evidences of oldness spring from geology, cosmology, and so forth.

So why cling to such a belief? Well fundamentally, (and I use the word deliberately), the belief arises from a simple, literal interpretation of the Bible, and the Genesis accounts in particular.

The adage goes " God said it, I believe it, that does it."

It is a faith commitment. Thus the most patent scientific evidences will not budge such a believer. Any such evidences will be viewed as a 'lie of the devil'.

I admire such commitments. Usually, along with  a belief in a young earth, goes a belief in a world wide flood, wherein every species (around 2 million have currently been identified by science) of land dwelling life was safely conveyed for forty days on a boat of fairly moderate proportions. Seven of each type of 'clean' animals and two of each type of 'unclean' were escorted through the flood.

To hold one's ground in the face of overwhelming contrary evidences is both admirable and and wonderful to behold!

Now, I consider myself a person of Christian commitment, but, alas, sinner that I am, I have never believed such things as a recent creation or a world wide flood (or indeed the tooth fairy, but let's leave santa out of this for the sake of the kiddies).

The saddest thing about the various institutes that promote so-called "creation science" is the total lack of positive science and research that they publish.

The totality of their publications are simply popularist writings refuting the positive research that emerges on both micro and macro evolution.

So I believe that I have descended from the apes? Well no. The question simply misunderstands evolution. So don't ask it and try and make a monkey out of me!

Evolution rests on a few simple ideas:

Populations grow.
There is variation within populations.
There is competition within populations and among them.
Certain variations hang in there
Variation is to some extent heritable
Natural selection brings evolution. (There are other mechanisms)

Notice there is nothing random or chance about any of these.





Sunday, October 16, 2011

It's now or never ..... just once in a lifetime ...

The tension is palpable in Nu Zulun!! You can cut the air with a veritable knife.

The All Blacks play the Australian Wallabies in the semi-final of the world cup. To all in tents and porpoises I say, this gayme in tantamount to the final.

The winners (France) of the other semi-final (last night) are, in current form, no match for either of the teams that play tonite.

Should the Wallabies win, Nu Zulun will become a totally unbearable place to live for the next month. An All Black loss will lead to endless recriminations and searching for suitable heads to roll.

It has been revealed by certain sources that the coach, Graham Henry, has a small jet waiting at a local airport to whisk him out of the country should the unthinkable happened.

All major hospitals have ramped up their suicide-watch facilities. Police are on guard over all bridges. All high buildings are being closely monitored.

It has also been revealed that an army of counsellors have been trained to cope with the major depressive illnesses that have been predicted to break out. Certain sources suggest that even some counsellors have been placed on suicide watch.

It has been statistically predicted that if the Wallabies lead at any stage extends to more than 10 points, hearts attacks numbering in excess of 67.789 may occur.

 I myself have built a little bunker to escape the carnage that may well ensue on the highways and byways of Nu Zulun.

But away wth such negagagagagtivity.

Go the All Blacks as they say!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

It is a long time time from May to December ...

I see a Samoan centre has blown his stack over perceived mal-treament in the pool game schedule of da rugby world cup.

Pity instead of cussing he could of done some maths and made a case. And a case I think he indeed has.

Days between first and last game in pool matches:

Nu Zulun 23   (Theeze bois should be a frush as a daisy!)
Englun22        (Trust the poms to have their hand in the till)
Arguntina 22    (And fair enough)
Fiji 22      ( hey what!?)
Frunce 21   (Remember the Rainbow warrior)
Irelun 21    (A team with depth)
Italy 21       (A team with deeper depth)
Scotlun 21    (Could bring out the bag pipes to ....)
Wales 21       (Could just carry the day)
Australya19      (No wonder they are tiring)
South Africa 19  (A team to watch)
Cunada 19         ( A team to follow)
Georgia 18         (On my mind)
Romania 18        (Another team to watch)
Tonga 17           ( Yet another team to watch)
Japan 17            (Still yet another team to watch ... go JK)
USA  16           (Could spring a nasty surprise)
Russia 16         (A team with a lot going for it)
Namibia 16     (A team with a lot going for it on dry ground)
Samoa 16       (A team with the deepest depth)
Republic of West Transylvania 4 (unless it rains and then 5)
Clotsville  1  ( A team)

However, clearly revenue is at the forefront of the IRB scheduling decision.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though its breaking ...

The RWC Rugby World Cup draweth nigh in little old Nu Zulun.

We hope that the ABs (All Blacks) will win.

However, the real test for Nu Zulun is whether we are mature enough to host this competition. We are by all accounts a young country in the scheme of things. The RWC will test whether we have come of age.

The prospects of the All Blacks have been dissected, trisected, analysed, and pyscho-analysed. One commentator (Sean Fitzpatrick) warns regarding All Blacks that there is no room for playing games.

Have I missed something here? I thought, (silly me) that rugby was a game that people played.

Fitzpatrick, who, I admit, I have taken out of context hints indirectly at my point.

The RWC will only be a success if there is plenty of room for sport, playing games and having fun.

It will not be so successful if untold kiwis rest their their sense of identity and self esteem on an All Blacks victory.

So dare I say it?

"May the best team win!"

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind ...

Why did God invent wind?     To blow the leaves away -- gently, quietly, soothingly, naturally.

Leaf blowers?  Invented, of course, by the devil.

Last Friday, I was subjected to 1.5 hours of leaf blowing around and about my quiet little unit.

The young man had his requisite ear muffs on. Meanwhile, having shut all the windows, I contended with the endless droning. Finally the young man had collected a small insignificant pile of leaves, which he then proceeded to blow for miles down the driveway.

I, to my endless credit and self control, did not go out and make rude suggestions about what could be shoved where. I felt that the kind God who invented the gentle breeze was testing me. I vowed to come forth like pure gold, tried in the fires.

The following morning, as I returned from my training, there he was again, leaf blower in hand, ear muffs on.

I was, I must admit caught a tad off guard. The spiritual aura of the previous day had left me, and I asked him if he intended blow the tiny pile of leaves at his feet down past my unit.

Then I intimated, that if that was his intention - to blow the tiny pile of leaves with the leaf blower on full throttle past my little serene unit ...

I intimated where the leaf blower on full throttle might be shoved.

Brian Edwards sums up my feelings well ...

To add insult to ear injury, I noted that the following day, Sunday,  many leafs were back on the drive way.

Leaves do that sort of thing, you know.

Besides the health issues around leaf blowers are well doumented.

And we all know, why it is men who feel the need to grab one of these things ......

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Baby its cold outside ...

 It has emerged that global warming is a reality.

Professor Henry Fudgedyke of the Academy for Research into the Science of the Environment or ARSE, said yesterday that “it’s been so cold that it must get warmer. Thus global warming is a fact”.

Fugdedyke went on to point out that every 24 hours, all over the globe things get cooler, and then they get warmer again. “It is a cycle,” he said “and it’s called the global warming cycle”.

He cited Auckland, Nu Zulun where temperatures fell to 2’C and then warmed again to 10’C.  “That’s global warming in a nutshell,” he said.

Finally, the Professor outlined the latest research of ARSE into ice-creams melting . He stated that incontrovertible proof could just possibly emerge out of ARSE's ice-creams that global warming caused them to melt.

The Academy of Research into the Science of the Environment (ARSE) hopes to soon be sponsored by the IPCC (The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change).

“We are hoping that the IPCC will support ARSE,” he said. “If they don’t, we are happy to change our research findings so that they will eventually fully back ARSE”.

Professor Fudgedyke then had to abruptly end the interview stating “gosh, it’s cold enough to freeze spherical objects of a brass monkey!”



Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Put you sweet lips a little closer to the phone, lets pretend that we're together all alone ...

It has been brought to my attention by semi-reliable sauces that I have been hacked.

My sensitive smart little MOTOROLA with the stunning Android-thingy-whatsit has been emotionally invaded!

Details of my private life have been leaked to the Press (It was only a matter of time).

Of course the details are a tissue of filthy lies and in-you-end-doe  that bare only some minor and insignificant relationship to the truth (whatever that might possibility be).

First of all, I want to clearly state that I was not seen last Friday running out of the New World Supermarket in Birkenhead in the green dress.

The dress was in fact aqua-marine.

Secondly, I did not have a brown paper bag over my head.

The bag was in point of fact a delicate sort of clayish shade.

Thirdly, there was in actual fact no actual third point to be addressed.

In fact, it was an envelope that was addressed.

Finally and fifthly, contrary to what some say, I can count to ten.

The likeness is remarkable

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Brother, can you spare a dime ......

Take it away Bing .....

Money is only a text away with Ferratum.

Within minutes, the ever-so-kind Mr Yoon will pop a few hundred smackers into you bank account.

What a lovely, kind tender-hearted, generous man is MR Yoooon.

Let's see now ... you want $500 spondolicks in a hurry. Then you text Fair-rat- uuuum? Give them your details (first mistake).

Now some are concerned  .. why?

Well if you borrow say $500 for 1 week, then after 7 days you get to pay back $590. This is an interest rate of 18% for 7 days which is equivalent to quite a lot over a year. Let's say you had to keep the money for a year at that rate. The interest of course compounds every week.

At the end of one year (52 weeks) you would owe $2,734, 225.85.

That can't be right  ... I hear you say. Well  ... it  ^%$#@y  well is!

500 X 1.18 = 590  (1 week)
500 x (1.18)^2 =  696.20 (2 weeks)
500 x (1.18) ^3 = 821.52 (3 weeks)
500 x (1.18)^4 = $ 969.39  (after 4 weeks you almost owe twice as much as you borrowed!)

  and so on my dear friends .... by the way the symbol "^" means "to the power of"  thus 3^3 = 3x3x3= 27

500 x (1.18)^52 = 500 x 1.18 x 1.18 x 1.18 x 1.18 .... and so on  ........ = 2, 734,225.85

Well all I can say to those who borrow is happy landings on a chocolate bar!

Now I am not saying you will have to pay that back. I am simply saying that an interest rate of 18% per week 0n $500 is equivalent to 500 x 1.18^52 over one year.

The company says: "We are driven by our passion for innovation and we have an ambitious growth strategy".

 Aint that the %#%@ truth

How did they ever get registered with the government!
NZ Government Registered Financial Service Provider No. FSP 70021.

To fair you can borrow $100 for a month and pay backonly $152 dollars at the end of 1 month. But again, that is equivalent to paying back
100 x (1.52)^12 =  $15,209.78


Enough already ... I have just thought of a scheme to get rich quick!!!!


After all, if I could just lend you $500 at 18% interest per week for ten years
the amount you pay me pay back would be:

500 x (1.18)^520 = 1.2 x10^40 dollars  (ten to the power of 40 folks)

roughly $12,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

Which, as you all know,  is 12 quadrillion septillion dollars.

or in lay person's terms 
12 thousand million, million, million, million, million, million dollars. or perhaps


12 thousand billion, billion, billion dollars.

Which is a tad more than I make in a year!