Smile when your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking ....

Usually my posts are light hearted. This one isn't ... well not entirely.

Recently, I had an attack of severe depression and anxiety. This lead to feelings of utter hopelessness, and complete despair.

I was hospitalized for two and a half weeks.

Thanks to to the wonderful staff at the Taharoto Clinic and their associated organization who provide me a wonderful counselor,  and the support of so many many fantastic friends I am making a very good recovery.

I can't name everyone, so it is probably best not to start, in case I leave someone out (you know who you are and my love for you). But I must mention my Cousin Gordon who rang for an ambulance.

I must also mention the fabulous support of AUT University, who employ me.

Thanks also to JK (John Kirwin) and his campaign.

and to Charlie Chaplin (Music) and (John turner Lyrics)   SMILE Vocals M. Jackson

I share this personal account, just in case any of my readers also struggle with depression and/or anxiety.

Please, please seek help, share with a trusted friend, see your doctor if necessary and never, never, never give up or be ashamed!

There is help!

Climb every mountain .....

Rumour has it, that to celebrate the 60th year after the first ascent of Everest in 1953, work will commence on a gondola system in 2013 to take tourists up the mountain.

It is believed, that when it is finished in 2017, people will be able to ascend to the very top (otherwise know as the summit) in style and comfort. It has been confirmed that each gondola will be equipped with a unique toilet.

Tolugh Horickson, Professor of wast reconversion at the University of Greater Wooping said, "The urine would be converted into the oxygen and water that the tourists will need at such great heights". He added that "the  faeces could possibly be reconstituted in synthetic hamburger patties for hungry ascenders."

It is thought that tourists with constipation with be given laxatives before entering each gondola.

It is believed that at any one time, over 12,345 could be peeing and pooing their way up and down the mountain.

Experts from over 45 countries will be involved in designing the whole apparatus it has emerged. It is said that over 1213 enginners will be involved in the construction.

But Diamonds are a girl's best friend ....

Rumour has it that her Majesty Queen Elizabeth Windsor Rex II may just possibly abdicate after her current Diamond Jubilee.

Sauces close to a few people who might know some members of the Royal family have suggested that resignation might just per-chance be on the agenda.

Other sauces, have said that such rumours are arrogant nonsense. Tony Smith, professor of monarchistic studies at that  University of South Whopping by the Sea said, "Such rumours also did the rounds at Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee. My research suggests that Elizabeth will go on and on and on and on ... until she drops."

However, some bookies are giving reasonable odds on an abdicatory act by Elizabeth Wrecks.It has emerged that some bookies have access to extremely private royal intimacies of a delicate nature.

A spokesperson for one such typical bookie said, "It could just happen! And then people would be laughing out the other side of their face".

Meanwhile,  it has come to light that a right wing ex-fundamentalist Christian group are planning an abdication parade for the Queen. A spokesperson for the leader of the group said, "We hope it doesn't rain on her parade  ... and oh yes there will be lost of balloons and stuff."

As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Each wife had seven sacks, ....

It has emerged that “being bad at maths” is seen as a top achievement.  A spokesman from the Institute for Adult Education said that many adults rejoice in their lack of mathematics skills.

 A recent survey indicated that 9 out of every 8 people said they were either "good" or "bad" at maths. Of the 73.5% who said they were “bad”,  56% said they were “very bad” and 23% indicated they were "down right lousy".

When the subject of ‘algebra’ came up, the majority of those surveyed broke out in a cold sweat and said it was “positively evil” and best avoided over the age of twenty

 

It has been suggested that goodness at algebra may be strongly correlated with some forms of mental illness

It has also emerged that, of all the OEDC countries surveyed,  New Zealand adults are the most proud of being suspect or indeed lacking in the maths department. American adults, however, didn’t even know what maths was. “We have a subject call ‘math’ , is that any relation?” said one.

Tony Adder, unemployed, ex-dustman, and some-time-road-sweeper from Taihape said, “I failed maths at school, but has it set me back in any way? No!”

You must have been a beautiful baby .... I can see the judges eyes as he handed you the prize ...

It has emerged that the question on a very few lips is "who exactly was the 1.5 millionth Aucklander?"

Was it Emily Van Wonderen (NZ Herald), or in fact, Ramonah Patience Toomalatai (TV3 and others)?

Sources at the MCB (Ministry of Counting Babies) have suggested that the counting systems employed by both NZ Herald and the TV3 are suspect. The MCB says that both Emily and Rahmonah may, or may not be, number 1,500,000 or 1.5x10^6 in mathematicians lingo.

Dr. Ryle Rudebotham of the MCB said that determining number 1.5 million "was a dashed tricky business, what with people entering and leaving the planet on any given day".

Rudebotham said that both babies were calculated according to various, now hideously failed, mathematical models. The "coming and going factor, 3.1N(p)(c-g)exp^1.5pi, was not included in the model," said Rudebotham.

It has also been reported that the Riemann Hypothesis and the zeta function must also be taken into account in the model, even though the Riemann hypothesis has yet to be proved. "The overall  model has similarities with the global warming model", he said.

It has been revealed that a number of babies' mothers and fathers (if they are lucky enough to know who the father is) are putting together lawsuits on behalf of their babies against the NZ Herald and TV3. A classy action suit is proposed. 

Mrs Ethel Myrtle Pottyswipe said, "If my little Cyril is not designated 1.5 million, then I will be all out to conceive a conception 9 months before number 2 million."

Meanwhile sources suggest that the mystery of education (MOE) is suggesting that a baby counting methodology paper be adopted at leading universities.

Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell ....

AAh the Beatles again!

SDTs found at NZ Herald as it faces tougher times.

It has come to light that there could possibly be discontent and SDTs at the NZ Herald in the future. Several close sources have suggested that some journalists may not entirely be satisfied with their pay levels.

 At the same time, it has also emerged that some journalist might possibly be a little “flexible” and may indeed be, at times “inventive” with what we often tend to call “the truth”. 

One source said “sometimes they never say who said what”; they simply attribute their so-called “knowledge” to “sources”.

It has emerged, that some of the Herald’s sources may not be as reliable as my sources. A close source revealed that the Herald may rely on some sources who, in turn rely on yet other sources.

Researchers have suggested that this reliance on “sources” was once termed “gossip” or even the now derogatory term “Chinese whispers”.

It has been reported, however, that the NZ Herald may well have officially banned the use of the word “gossip” in favour of the term “source driven truths” or SDTs for short. However, it has been confirmed that there has been no confirmation of phone hacking by the newspaper. However, it has been revealed that if phones have been hacked, no steps will be left taken to find out those responsible. 

A key source stated that “any tapping discovered will be uncovered along with any boozy lunches and other such naughty goings-on.” The source went on to say “we will force it (that is the taps)  to the surface and that no leaks should not be believed”.

It is understood that if any investigation is forthcoming, it will be conducted. A reliable source stated that a source told her so.

I read the news today oh boy / About a lucky man who made the grade ....

Back after a long break!

The New Zealand Herald ... broadsheet or tabloid .... news or gossip?

A leading story yesterday was on the great league/rugby/boxing star ... Sonny Bill Williams also know as SBW.

The article was a fine example of tabloid journalism.

I love discourse analysis, and a short and brief analysis revealed what a load of unadulterated trash this "story" was.

I have selected a few choice morsels from the article for you dear readers and notice the morsels come with their sauces (sources)

and here they are:

“All Black Sonny Bill Williams has been linked to a new girl” (linked by who(m)?)

“Sources yesterday said that Williams, 26, was dating …” What sources?

“They [ the sources??] said the pair had been seeing each other …” Again, what sources?

“One source said Sally Ridge met Williams after ….:  Who is this source?

“ ….blah, blah, blah  according to the source.”    Who? Is this tomato sauce?

“Another source close to the couple said the news of the new relationship came as a shock". dah???

“It is understood Ms Ridge has been spending time in   …”  Understood by whom?

“In December, it was reported the she was in a relationship with …..”  who reported?

“She dumped Dwayne and hooked up with Sonny Bill Williams, one source said".  …who said? Chile source?

The phrases in bold red are telling, are they not? (pun)

On my next blog, I think I'll construct a little story about the NZ Herald from my many sources!!!

The long and winding road that leads to .......

Evolution  ... the very word strikes fear ( not really fear .... more like consternation) into the heart of many a good Christian.

I have some dear, intelligent, friends who believe that the earth was created around 6000 to 10,000 years ago.

This is a belief held in the face of evidences from just about every scientific discipline that the universe is some 13 billion years old and the earth itself some 4.5 billion years.

Now even if you are not a maths wizard, you will realise that there is a modicum of difference between 10,000 years and 4,500,000,000 years -- more zeros if nothing else!

The evidences of oldness spring from geology, cosmology, and so forth.

So why cling to such a belief? Well fundamentally, (and I use the word deliberately), the belief arises from a simple, literal interpretation of the Bible, and the Genesis accounts in particular.

The adage goes " God said it, I believe it, that does it."

It is a faith commitment. Thus the most patent scientific evidences will not budge such a believer. Any such evidences will be viewed as a 'lie of the devil'.

I admire such commitments. Usually, along with  a belief in a young earth, goes a belief in a world wide flood, wherein every species (around 2 million have currently been identified by science) of land dwelling life was safely conveyed for forty days on a boat of fairly moderate proportions. Seven of each type of 'clean' animals and two of each type of 'unclean' were escorted through the flood.

To hold one's ground in the face of overwhelming contrary evidences is both admirable and and wonderful to behold!

Now, I consider myself a person of Christian commitment, but, alas, sinner that I am, I have never believed such things as a recent creation or a world wide flood (or indeed the tooth fairy, but let's leave santa out of this for the sake of the kiddies).

The saddest thing about the various institutes that promote so-called "creation science" is the total lack of positive science and research that they publish.

The totality of their publications are simply popularist writings refuting the positive research that emerges on both micro and macro evolution.

So I believe that I have descended from the apes? Well no. The question simply misunderstands evolution. So don't ask it and try and make a monkey out of me!

Evolution rests on a few simple ideas:

Populations grow.
There is variation within populations.
There is competition within populations and among them.
Certain variations hang in there
Variation is to some extent heritable
Natural selection brings evolution. (There are other mechanisms)

Notice there is nothing random or chance about any of these.

It's now or never ..... just once in a lifetime ...

The tension is palpable in Nu Zulun!! You can cut the air with a veritable knife.

The All Blacks play the Australian Wallabies in the semi-final of the world cup. To all in tents and porpoises I say, this gayme in tantamount to the final.

The winners (France) of the other semi-final (last night) are, in current form, no match for either of the teams that play tonite.

Should the Wallabies win, Nu Zulun will become a totally unbearable place to live for the next month. An All Black loss will lead to endless recriminations and searching for suitable heads to roll.

It has been revealed by certain sources that the coach, Graham Henry, has a small jet waiting at a local airport to whisk him out of the country should the unthinkable happened.

All major hospitals have ramped up their suicide-watch facilities. Police are on guard over all bridges. All high buildings are being closely monitored.

It has also been revealed that an army of counsellors have been trained to cope with the major depressive illnesses that have been predicted to break out. Certain sources suggest that even some counsellors have been placed on suicide watch.

It has been statistically predicted that if the Wallabies lead at any stage extends to more than 10 points, hearts attacks numbering in excess of 67.789 may occur.

 I myself have built a little bunker to escape the carnage that may well ensue on the highways and byways of Nu Zulun.

But away wth such negagagagagtivity.

Go the All Blacks as they say!!!

It is a long time time from May to December ...

I see a Samoan centre has blown his stack over perceived mal-treament in the pool game schedule of da rugby world cup.

Pity instead of cussing he could of done some maths and made a case. And a case I think he indeed has.

Days between first and last game in pool matches:

Nu Zulun 23   (Theeze bois should be a frush as a daisy!)
Englun22        (Trust the poms to have their hand in the till)
Arguntina 22    (And fair enough)
Fiji 22      ( hey what!?)
Frunce 21   (Remember the Rainbow warrior)
Irelun 21    (A team with depth)
Italy 21       (A team with deeper depth)
Scotlun 21    (Could bring out the bag pipes to ....)
Wales 21       (Could just carry the day)
Australya19      (No wonder they are tiring)
South Africa 19  (A team to watch)
Cunada 19         ( A team to follow)
Georgia 18         (On my mind)
Romania 18        (Another team to watch)
Tonga 17           ( Yet another team to watch)
Japan 17            (Still yet another team to watch ... go JK)
USA  16           (Could spring a nasty surprise)
Russia 16         (A team with a lot going for it)
Namibia 16     (A team with a lot going for it on dry ground)
Samoa 16       (A team with the deepest depth)
Republic of West Transylvania 4 (unless it rains and then 5)
Clotsville  1  ( A team)

However, clearly revenue is at the forefront of the IRB scheduling decision.