The long and winding road that leads to .......

Evolution  ... the very word strikes fear ( not really fear .... more like consternation) into the heart of many a good Christian.

I have some dear, intelligent, friends who believe that the earth was created around 6000 to 10,000 years ago.

This is a belief held in the face of evidences from just about every scientific discipline that the universe is some 13 billion years old and the earth itself some 4.5 billion years.

Now even if you are not a maths wizard, you will realise that there is a modicum of difference between 10,000 years and 4,500,000,000 years -- more zeros if nothing else!

The evidences of oldness spring from geology, cosmology, and so forth.

So why cling to such a belief? Well fundamentally, (and I use the word deliberately), the belief arises from a simple, literal interpretation of the Bible, and the Genesis accounts in particular.

The adage goes " God said it, I believe it, that does it."

It is a faith commitment. Thus the most patent scientific evidences will not budge such a believer. Any such evidences will be viewed as a 'lie of the devil'.

I admire such commitments. Usually, along with  a belief in a young earth, goes a belief in a world wide flood, wherein every species (around 2 million have currently been identified by science) of land dwelling life was safely conveyed for forty days on a boat of fairly moderate proportions. Seven of each type of 'clean' animals and two of each type of 'unclean' were escorted through the flood.

To hold one's ground in the face of overwhelming contrary evidences is both admirable and and wonderful to behold!

Now, I consider myself a person of Christian commitment, but, alas, sinner that I am, I have never believed such things as a recent creation or a world wide flood (or indeed the tooth fairy, but let's leave santa out of this for the sake of the kiddies).

The saddest thing about the various institutes that promote so-called "creation science" is the total lack of positive science and research that they publish.

The totality of their publications are simply popularist writings refuting the positive research that emerges on both micro and macro evolution.

So I believe that I have descended from the apes? Well no. The question simply misunderstands evolution. So don't ask it and try and make a monkey out of me!

Evolution rests on a few simple ideas:

Populations grow.
There is variation within populations.
There is competition within populations and among them.
Certain variations hang in there
Variation is to some extent heritable
Natural selection brings evolution. (There are other mechanisms)

Notice there is nothing random or chance about any of these.

It's now or never ..... just once in a lifetime ...

The tension is palpable in Nu Zulun!! You can cut the air with a veritable knife.

The All Blacks play the Australian Wallabies in the semi-final of the world cup. To all in tents and porpoises I say, this gayme in tantamount to the final.

The winners (France) of the other semi-final (last night) are, in current form, no match for either of the teams that play tonite.

Should the Wallabies win, Nu Zulun will become a totally unbearable place to live for the next month. An All Black loss will lead to endless recriminations and searching for suitable heads to roll.

It has been revealed by certain sources that the coach, Graham Henry, has a small jet waiting at a local airport to whisk him out of the country should the unthinkable happened.

All major hospitals have ramped up their suicide-watch facilities. Police are on guard over all bridges. All high buildings are being closely monitored.

It has also been revealed that an army of counsellors have been trained to cope with the major depressive illnesses that have been predicted to break out. Certain sources suggest that even some counsellors have been placed on suicide watch.

It has been statistically predicted that if the Wallabies lead at any stage extends to more than 10 points, hearts attacks numbering in excess of 67.789 may occur.

 I myself have built a little bunker to escape the carnage that may well ensue on the highways and byways of Nu Zulun.

But away wth such negagagagagtivity.

Go the All Blacks as they say!!!

It is a long time time from May to December ...

I see a Samoan centre has blown his stack over perceived mal-treament in the pool game schedule of da rugby world cup.

Pity instead of cussing he could of done some maths and made a case. And a case I think he indeed has.

Days between first and last game in pool matches:

Nu Zulun 23   (Theeze bois should be a frush as a daisy!)
Englun22        (Trust the poms to have their hand in the till)
Arguntina 22    (And fair enough)
Fiji 22      ( hey what!?)
Frunce 21   (Remember the Rainbow warrior)
Irelun 21    (A team with depth)
Italy 21       (A team with deeper depth)
Scotlun 21    (Could bring out the bag pipes to ....)
Wales 21       (Could just carry the day)
Australya19      (No wonder they are tiring)
South Africa 19  (A team to watch)
Cunada 19         ( A team to follow)
Georgia 18         (On my mind)
Romania 18        (Another team to watch)
Tonga 17           ( Yet another team to watch)
Japan 17            (Still yet another team to watch ... go JK)
USA  16           (Could spring a nasty surprise)
Russia 16         (A team with a lot going for it)
Namibia 16     (A team with a lot going for it on dry ground)
Samoa 16       (A team with the deepest depth)
Republic of West Transylvania 4 (unless it rains and then 5)
Clotsville  1  ( A team)

However, clearly revenue is at the forefront of the IRB scheduling decision.

Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though its breaking ...

The RWC Rugby World Cup draweth nigh in little old Nu Zulun.

We hope that the ABs (All Blacks) will win.

However, the real test for Nu Zulun is whether we are mature enough to host this competition. We are by all accounts a young country in the scheme of things. The RWC will test whether we have come of age.

The prospects of the All Blacks have been dissected, trisected, analysed, and pyscho-analysed. One commentator (Sean Fitzpatrick) warns regarding All Blacks that there is no room for playing games.

Have I missed something here? I thought, (silly me) that rugby was a game that people played.

Fitzpatrick, who, I admit, I have taken out of context hints indirectly at my point.

The RWC will only be a success if there is plenty of room for sport, playing games and having fun.

It will not be so successful if untold kiwis rest their their sense of identity and self esteem on an All Blacks victory.

So dare I say it?

"May the best team win!"

The answer my friend is blowing in the wind ...

Why did God invent wind?     To blow the leaves away -- gently, quietly, soothingly, naturally.

Leaf blowers?  Invented, of course, by the devil.

Last Friday, I was subjected to 1.5 hours of leaf blowing around and about my quiet little unit.

The young man had his requisite ear muffs on. Meanwhile, having shut all the windows, I contended with the endless droning. Finally the young man had collected a small insignificant pile of leaves, which he then proceeded to blow for miles down the driveway.

I, to my endless credit and self control, did not go out and make rude suggestions about what could be shoved where. I felt that the kind God who invented the gentle breeze was testing me. I vowed to come forth like pure gold, tried in the fires.

The following morning, as I returned from my training, there he was again, leaf blower in hand, ear muffs on.

I was, I must admit caught a tad off guard. The spiritual aura of the previous day had left me, and I asked him if he intended blow the tiny pile of leaves at his feet down past my unit.

Then I intimated, that if that was his intention - to blow the tiny pile of leaves with the leaf blower on full throttle past my little serene unit ...

I intimated where the leaf blower on full throttle might be shoved.

Brian Edwards sums up my feelings well ...

To add insult to ear injury, I noted that the following day, Sunday,  many leafs were back on the drive way.

Leaves do that sort of thing, you know.

Besides the health issues around leaf blowers are well doumented.

And we all know, why it is men who feel the need to grab one of these things ......

Baby its cold outside ...

 It has emerged that global warming is a reality.

Professor Henry Fudgedyke of the Academy for Research into the Science of the Environment or ARSE, said yesterday that “it’s been so cold that it must get warmer. Thus global warming is a fact”.

Fugdedyke went on to point out that every 24 hours, all over the globe things get cooler, and then they get warmer again. “It is a cycle,” he said “and it’s called the global warming cycle”.

He cited Auckland, Nu Zulun where temperatures fell to 2’C and then warmed again to 10’C.  “That’s global warming in a nutshell,” he said.

Finally, the Professor outlined the latest research of ARSE into ice-creams melting . He stated that incontrovertible proof could just possibly emerge out of ARSE's ice-creams that global warming caused them to melt.

The Academy of Research into the Science of the Environment (ARSE) hopes to soon be sponsored by the IPCC (The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change).

“We are hoping that the IPCC will support ARSE,” he said. “If they don’t, we are happy to change our research findings so that they will eventually fully back ARSE”.

Professor Fudgedyke then had to abruptly end the interview stating “gosh, it’s cold enough to freeze spherical objects of a brass monkey!”

Put you sweet lips a little closer to the phone, lets pretend that we're together all alone ...

It has been brought to my attention by semi-reliable sauces that I have been hacked.

My sensitive smart little MOTOROLA with the stunning Android-thingy-whatsit has been emotionally invaded!

Details of my private life have been leaked to the Press (It was only a matter of time).

Of course the details are a tissue of filthy lies and in-you-end-doe  that bare only some minor and insignificant relationship to the truth (whatever that might possibility be).

First of all, I want to clearly state that I was not seen last Friday running out of the New World Supermarket in Birkenhead in the green dress.

The dress was in fact aqua-marine.

Secondly, I did not have a brown paper bag over my head.

The bag was in point of fact a delicate sort of clayish shade.

Thirdly, there was in actual fact no actual third point to be addressed.

In fact, it was an envelope that was addressed.

Finally and fifthly, contrary to what some say, I can count to ten.

The likeness is remarkable

Brother, can you spare a dime ......

Take it away Bing .....

Money is only a text away with Ferratum.

Within minutes, the ever-so-kind Mr Yoon will pop a few hundred smackers into you bank account.

What a lovely, kind tender-hearted, generous man is MR Yoooon.

Let's see now ... you want $500 spondolicks in a hurry. Then you text Fair-rat- uuuum? Give them your details (first mistake).

Now some are concerned  .. why?

Well if you borrow say $500 for 1 week, then after 7 days you get to pay back $590. This is an interest rate of 18% for 7 days which is equivalent to quite a lot over a year. Let's say you had to keep the money for a year at that rate. The interest of course compounds every week.

At the end of one year (52 weeks) you would owe $2,734, 225.85.

That can't be right  ... I hear you say. Well  ... it  ^%$#@y  well is!

500 X 1.18 = 590  (1 week)
500 x (1.18)^2 =  696.20 (2 weeks)
500 x (1.18) ^3 = 821.52 (3 weeks)
500 x (1.18)^4 = $ 969.39  (after 4 weeks you almost owe twice as much as you borrowed!)

  and so on my dear friends .... by the way the symbol "^" means "to the power of"  thus 3^3 = 3x3x3= 27

500 x (1.18)^52 = 500 x 1.18 x 1.18 x 1.18 x 1.18 .... and so on  ........ = 2, 734,225.85

Well all I can say to those who borrow is happy landings on a chocolate bar!

Now I am not saying you will have to pay that back. I am simply saying that an interest rate of 18% per week 0n $500 is equivalent to 500 x 1.18^52 over one year.

The company says: "We are driven by our passion for innovation and we have an ambitious growth strategy".

 Aint that the %#%@ truth

How did they ever get registered with the government!
NZ Government Registered Financial Service Provider No. FSP 70021.

To fair you can borrow $100 for a month and pay backonly $152 dollars at the end of 1 month. But again, that is equivalent to paying back
100 x (1.52)^12 =  $15,209.78


Enough already ... I have just thought of a scheme to get rich quick!!!!


After all, if I could just lend you $500 at 18% interest per week for ten years
the amount you pay me pay back would be:

500 x (1.18)^520 = 1.2 x10^40 dollars  (ten to the power of 40 folks)

roughly $12,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

Which, as you all know,  is 12 quadrillion septillion dollars.

or in lay person's terms 
12 thousand million, million, million, million, million, million dollars. or perhaps


12 thousand billion, billion, billion dollars.

Which is a tad more than I make in a year!

Woman in black Ooh, ooh, woman in black ...

Billy Connolly suggests there is an reason some women dress completely in black - it is know by the very medically technical term as "fatness".

Connolly argues blackness hides fatness.

We lay people know it simply as "obesity".

But I am not so sure this is the reason.   Anyhow, back to the beginning...

Every morning, on my bus, I gaze out of my window on a sea of black. Now , I realize males have to wear black suits - though I disdain them.

But why, oh why are there so many women attired from head to toe in black.

Just exactly, ladies, where is the funeral?

I suspect, the reason goes deeper into the female psyche than Billy Connolly suggests.

You see, dear reader, the phrase "All Black" has been profoundly and indelibly etched into the Nu Zulun sub-consciousness.

It is undeniably the case that  women cannot qualify to be a member of the All Blacks, so (in their lust and envy), the very latest research suggests they do the next best thing and dress in all black.

In psychology, this is called a defense mechanism termed "compensation". (or was that condensation??)

However, it has also emerged that women can in fact break free of this "psychological bondage" to black.

Sally Arbuckle, leader researcher at the Academy of Black Clothing (or ABC), reports that all a women has to do is sally forth in bright, cheerful, heart-warming colors.

Arbuckle said, "Clothes not only maketh the man, they doth maketh the woman as well. As your color is, so will your psychological mood be". She added that the chief reason for so many depressed women, was black clothing.

So come on women, you have nothing to lose but your gains ......

And remember, mood spelt backwards is doom!

My old man said, "Follow the van, don't dilly dally on the way!" Off went the cart with the home packed in it ....

Moving house ( rather than home)

They say, that moving home (as distinct from moving house) a stressful occupation. It is. But that, dear reader, is exactly what I did last Queen's Birthday long weekend down here in old Nu Zulun.

With the help of some semi-abled old friends the dastardly deed was done.

Bill, Bruce, Murray, Ray and yours truly loaded the van, whilst Mary and Graham did a monumental bang up job cleaning the atrocious mess I left in my wake.

Atrocious mess left behind

It was a shift form a 1960's one-electric-socket-per-room unit to a 2011 eight-electric-sockets per-room unit.

Haven't we come a long way technologically speaking!

Welcome to my world (no... not really)