Have yourself a merry little Christmas

The silly season is upon us as they say. Though I don’t know who “they” are. The Christmas discourse is hegemonic. It is designed above all to position us and hail us as ‘consumers’ who will shop till they drop.

And so like the bride who wants a “perfect” wedding, many expect a perfect Christmas. How far that is from the reality of the majority of people for whom Christmas is a painful reminder of Christmases past and of loved ones no longer around. For some it is a time of unendurable loneliness. For others, it is a season of physical and emotional abuse.

Christmas is the training ground where people teach their children to become consumers. It is designed too ensure that that great god of the modern age – that god with impossible demands – is worshipped. That god of course is economic growth. The carpenter from Nazareth referred to it as mammon.

Indeed it can be said that the invention of the modern Christmas dates back to the mid nineteenth century and the birth of the market economy with its emphasis on economic growth.

Of course some keen folk will try to remind us of the “reason for the season”. It is astonishing just how far the modern Christmas is from the ideals of that man from Nazareth.

How then can we redeem Christmas? I think only by trying to remember that the external baubles, bangles and bright shiny beads can never be enough.

Walkin back to happiness ...

The secret to fast race walking is fast turnover, not stride length. I was looking at reruns of the Olympic 50km walk. The winner was doing 190 strides per minute. I suspect some others were over 200. Now that is really high turnover!

So the equation is S = L x F where S is the speed, L the stride length and F the stride frequency. Clearly the trade off is between L and F. Race walking coaches argue that gains in F are well worth losses in L. Overstriding is a prime mistake for novices.

I tried shorting the stride and increasing frequency the other night. It paid off. I reduced my 3 km time by 6 seconds – that is just the beginning.

Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree ....

It caught me by surprise – it is December 1st - World AIDS Day – red ribbon day. It has really flown under the radar this year.
That red ribbon, so distinctive in its time – that trend setting ribbon has lost ground to those causes (very important causes) who copied it. And so we have pink ribbons which originated in 1991 only 1 year after that red ribbon. There are yellow ribbons which signify a number of causes – among them youth suicide. And now there are white ribbons which actually date back to 1991, even though their mass appearance is only recent. Each of these now commanding more publicity than the original red ribbon. Each has its history. Hats of to the cancer society for choosing the daffodil.

For the first time I cam remember the announcers on TV this morning failed to wear the red ribbon. Let’s see what happens by tonight. But it is an interesting lesson in diminution. I guess as yet more colored ribbons appear for yet more causes, the original red ribbon is in danger of disappearing from view.



As running addict, I propose a ribbon for our disease. Any suggestions of a color?

These boots are made for walkin ....

You gotta learn to walk before you can run. Running addict is also race walking these days. But there’s a big difference between running and race-walking. You can run any darned way you like. Run like a turkey or a horse; nobody will complain. Laugh – yes: complain, no.

Race walking is another matter. There are some rules. You can’t walk any old way you like – especially if that so-called walk amounts to a run.

Now if you’re in a walk race and someone behind is breaking the rules – who cares? But when the guy ahead has lost control and broke into what amounts to a run – that my friends is entirely another matter!

You are in a running race and the person ahead breaks into a walk. Your response – joy!

You are in a walk race and the person ahead breaks into a run. Your response – resignation? Only if you are a not a competitive sort! My response is fury.

It is like the trots when the horse breaks into a gallop. So ya gotta have judges.

A white sportscoat and a pink carnation, I'm all dressed up ...

The lunacy of local government. …Dunedin city council wants to support Nu Zulun’s cricket team, the All Whites when the West Indies comes to play. It is therefore encouraging fans at the cricket ground to wear all white clothes and to shout “we’re all white here!” when the West Indies runs on to the field.

Some have raised eyebrows. On comes a … well …black team … and the crowd shouts we’re all white here”. Others have said go ahead and shout. That way we won’t be politically correct.

I predict that a crowd shouting at a black team : “we’re all white here” will not go down well in the international press and the country will once again appear as somewhat lacking in the IQ steaks ... ooops .... stakes.

PC or not – it is time for this adolescent country to strife towards adulthood.
A white sports coat

Your cheating heart will tell on you …

Idiom: To cut the corner

Sometimes cutting corners is okay. It might simply mean finding a quicker way to do something. However, there is often a lost of quality in the work achieved. Sometimes, the idiom “to cut a corner” has a negative connotation. It simply means cheating.

Runners know all about cutting corners. There is nothing more annoying than seeing a runner up ahead cutting a corner on a clearly marked course.

You cut a corner and win; you cheat and achieve your goal. What have you got? A goal and a lost soul. I’m not talking about hell here folks! I am talking about not being true to your innermost self.

The prophet Jesus of Nazareth put it well “What does it profit a person if he/she gains the whole world and yet loses his/her soul”.

Shakespeare took it up in King Lear when Polonius advises Laertes “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man” (Act 1, sc 3).

How is the air up there?

Do you hair the shift going on? As I was drinking a bear the other day I could hair it …

“You will rarely have a good time …”

I thought, what kind of advertising is this?

But the shift is on with young Nu Zulundurs.

Beer >>> bear
Hear >>> hair
Ear >>> air
Really >>> rarely

Think of those generous young farmers who share their sheep.

Now some people rarely fare for the language with this shift happening. But never fare, language is always changing. Indeed such change is a mare trifle in the scheme of things.
Indeed we should chair at the glorious dynamic of the English language.

Yes folks chair rather than snare!
and don't shed a tear (as in rip)

Anyhoo, hair them speak

What's it all about Alfie? Did I miss something??

Darn ..... it annoys me! Someone forgets to send me the crucial email about that crucial event and i am like blah??? Then they say, see you at the meeting. And I say, What darn meetin?

Left out of the loop again!

Welcome to the 21st century age of techno-failure ....

where one missed click on the mouse leaves you wondering "What the heck is this all about". You get dragged into the conversation about 50 lines in and baby you is lost!

"We need to prepare for that meeting on Tuesday!"

Huh? What meeting?

Did I miss something?

Now it is a quick check through the last million years emails...

No .... eeer .... nope .... no sir .... i don't think so .... yes definitely nothing about a meeting ... yep ... no doubt ... no meeting ... i guess ... oh stuff it ...

lets head out for a RUN!

I like the free fresh wind in my hair – the green grass under my feet

Running is a ritual – one that connects my brain with my body, and my body to the good earth under my feet and the wind in my face. It connects me to a sense of rhythm. Not just the rhythm in the run, but the rhythms of one run to the next. Running enables in Joseph Campbell’s words, the “harmonization of our lives with the order of nature”. Of course walking does the same thing and cycling.



But it is not the running or walking or cycling on those frightful things in gyms! What a metaphor they for the mechanization of modern life.

Some runners have lost the plot. They carry every kind of technical instrument with them to get feedback on their bodies. Whatever happened to simply being in tune with the body!

And while I am on it, why do some runners and many walkers have to grip on to all those water bottles? Do they serious think they are going to dehydrate in 1 hour? Fair enough in the desert, but not in the mild manner weather of Nu Zulun.

So come on folks. I call for minimalism in running.

Shorts and t-shirt, shoes and socks and a key in your pocket.

And we run because we like it through the broad bright land.

Flyin high in April, shot down in May …

Nu Zulun has voted folks!
It has been a vote for change. Of course change is that great ponderous fact of life – the only great constant. What was it that the Buddha said? Transitory, transitory are all things. Strange thing is, change is the one thing we humans tend to steadfastly resist.

Elections are a stark reminder of what Joseph Campbell called the organised inadequacies of this world. Oh yes, they grant that brief illusion of control – that somehow, maybe our destinies lie in our hands. The Tao Te Ching, however puts it plainly: “the world is forever out of control”.

We sang a great old hymn in school: “Time like an ever-rolling stream bears all its sons away. They fly forgotten as a dream dies at the opening day.” Helen has quit. Michael has quit. Winnie has disappeared from the political earth. An old familiar restaurant closes. A new one opens.

The Tao Te Ching speaks of the wise person:
“Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever”.

To fall in love again and we did then …

It’s the big day in America. Has America fallen in love again as in those halcyon Kennedy days? I suspect so. I suspect a bit of a landslide on this Super Tuesday in the States. Obama is an orator you see, and God knows we need one after eight mind numbing years of foot-in-the-mouth Bush.

Clearly, Obama has sat at the feet of the African American Baptist preacher and learnt his trade and learnt it damned well. It is what we lack in New Zealand – the politician-orator. Listen to Clark and Key. Combined they have plumbed, mined and excavated new depths of boredom and monotony. Who needs sleeping pills when a leaders’ debate is on? But when this man Obama speaks, people are mesmerised.

I know what I am talking about folks. You are looking at the Northcote College senior public speaking champion two years running, and president of the debating society.

Obama is about as good as they get. And frankly, it scares me a smidgen – just a tad.

If the United States should last for a thousand years, this could be a fine hour! Or then maybe, just maybe, it could be twilight time.

On the road again

I am running again. Since June 24 I have run total of about 12 km. Then last night I ran a 5 km at the Northcote Point pub run. I was only a minute off the pace for my best in recent years. It is surprising how fit 50 – 60 km a week of fast walking has kept me!

I now hereby officially recommend walking as excellent running training. Jack Lovelock (1500 metre Champ at the Berlin Olympics, 1936) did a hell of a lot of walking as part of his training regime.

So to celebrate my return, lets us a sing a hymn! Does anyone know the tune?



Song of the Ungirt Runners

We swing ungirded hips,
And lightened are our eyes,
The rain is on our lips,
We do not run for prize.
We know not whom we trust
Nor whitherward we fare,
But we run because we must
Through the great wide air.

The waters of the seas
Are troubled as by storm.
The tempest strips the trees
And does not leave them warm.
Does the tearing tempest pause?
Do the tree-tops ask it why?
So we run without a cause
'Neath the big bare sky.

The rain is on our lips,
We do not run for prize.
But the storm the water whips
And the wave howls to the skies.
The winds arise and strike it
And scatter it like sand,
And we run because we like it
Through the broad bright land.

Charles Hamilton Sorley

Six of one, half a dozen of the other

I’m a flip flop voter. It is gonna be tion cossing stuff for me. I can’t make out any real difference between the two big players in Nu Zulun’s election.

National and John Key talk about the literacy and numeracy crisis and seem to suggest that a child saying the alphabet backwards is the key to what good literacy is all about. I can understand counting backwards as a key skill in numeracy setting one up for subtraction and the like. But the alphabet backwards?? I gotta confess I can’t do it at anything but a dawdle.

I do have a friend that can give pi to 100 hundred decimal places. She did it at the dinner table as I tucked into a medium rare.

So talking about maths, how do we differentiate the two parties? Yes, Helen is arrogant and John’s a nice guy …. But neither seems to integrate their policies into a cohesive whole.

From Helen it is all derision and uglification. From John its distraction and sedition (by one M. McCully).

I think I’ll stick with probability theory and toss a coin.

There I've said it again .....

Here’s what the big guy Henry (Hank)Paulson from the US Treasury had to say about the big bailout:

“We are taking unprecedented measures that we never thought would be necessary”

Now this is your classic case of redundancy. It borders on the tautological. Doesn’t he know what unprecedented means?

Due to unforseen circumstances that we didn’t know were going to happen.

It was an incomprehensible situation that we could not understand.

It was an unbelievable outcome that I did not think was possible.

Yet folks there is a place for redundancy. In the above Paulson case, it is the typical political rhetoric of using tautology for added impact.

Try a few of these:
Free gift
Big Calamity
Tiny microorganism
Added bonus
Past regrets
Future plans
Unconfirmed rumour
Final result
False pretences

The reality is, with the election campaign underway, we are, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, in for a great and substantial amount of what is know as, for better or worse, as loggorhea.

One type of redundancy is somewhat hidden away were you can’t see it. It is called the RAS syndrome or the Redundant Acronym Sydrome syndrome. A classic example is the ASB Bank (Auckland Savings Bank Bank), or AUT University (may I say a fine University!). However, to be fair, the acronym ASB or AUT has become a brand and thus is no longer to be unpacked as in olden days happy golden days of yore. Mind you not all acronyms would work - MIT University? SIT University?

Ah well lets bung on those Yes Minster DVDs and really catch bucket load of needless redundancy.

Twas on a Monday morning ...

Robert Fitzroy was the second governor of Nu Zulun back in 1843. But he had other claims to fame. He took Darwin as a companion to the Galapagas Islands.

Well apparently, he woke up one morning (probably a Monday), took uo a razor and slit his throat. Rather a grizzley end. But it gets more intriguing. It seems he had an uncle or such like who set an example of throat slitting some years before.

He also had a captain on a boat he was serving on – earlier in life – who grew depressed, took up a gun and shot himself.

Fitzroy was an ardent believer in the literal interpretation of the Bible and somehow felt responsible that he play a key role in facilitating Darwin’s discoveries and his eventual publication of The origin of Species”.

We're in the money!

Well not really. America's out of the money.
What’s happening in the States involves big numbers. If you can’t count past ten, forget getting your head around this one. We are talking trillions baby!

Now for the mathematically insecure, just what is a trillion. It is 10 multilplied by itself 12 times. Now that doesn’t sound to bad does it? Guess again.

10 x10x10x10x10x10x10x10x10x10x10x10 = 1,000,000,000,000 that’s it.

Now in the old YU ES of A, there are about $11 trillion dollars worth of mortgages. Of these, 10% (that is around 1.1 trillion) are in default – they can’t be paid. Now them’s big bucks.

Remember there is only about 2,500,000,000 seconds in the average life time.

So if you earned $1 every second of your life – that is $3,600 every hour of your life you would need 400 of your life-times to get to 1 trillion dollars.

Well, where is this missing trillion going to come from? The good old Yankee tax payer as the government contemplates the big bail out. To the tune of around $3000 dollars for every man woman and child.

The USA has become the USSA - The United Socialist States of America

Save some daylight for me …

The last week in September is upon us in good old Nu Zulun and that means it’s daylight saving time again. Clocks are put 1 hour forward and one hour disappears from each of our lives. That means over 4 million hours are lost here in Nu Zulun! But the upside is, more daylight in the warm summer nights to come, and better sleeping in the early morning hours without birds twittering at 4 am (as would be the case in the height of summer without daylight saving).

So I am a fan. For me, it means, among other things, Monday night fun runs or walks down at the Northcote Tavern (6 pm) followed by a soothing beer and pleasant company. It is a 5 km run or walk – the walkers start 15 minutes before the runners.

So come one and come all!

Daylight saving of one form or another started back in 1929 in New Zealand. It has been as short as the last Sunday in October to the first Sunday in March and as long as the first Sunday in September to the last Sunday in April. Indeed from 1941 till the close of WW2, daylight saving covered the entire year – gosh those winter mornings must have been dark, but I guess the upshot was energy saving.

Currently, daylight saving is from the last weekend in September to the first Sunday in April – 27 weeks of uninterrupted bliss.

Sunday morning comin down

The song, whether the Kristofferson or Cash version (Kristofferson wrote it) is one which proffers sad and lonely sentiments and lamentations of one hung over soul negotiating his way through a Sunday. Well, this Sunday just gone by was quite the opposite. My feet hit the floor at 7 am and at 8:00 am with a calm sea and spotless, cloudless azure skies we set off from Milford Beach on a 15 km walk. Our ages ranged from 58 to 70. We are training for Ekiden Relay of October 11. Yours truly has the first lap of 8.7 km.

Oh, oh oh, beautiful Sunday ….
Blue skies, nothing but blue skies …

I'll drink to that

Well the world seems to be headin down the economic plughole - the gurgler if you will.
It was Lao Tze who said in the Tao Te Ching:

"The world is forever out of control ..."

How right he was.

A more modern day sage was that great Scottish entertainer Harry Lauder who had very sound advice for these precarious times in which we live:

Just a wee doch an doris
Just a wee dram that's a
Just a wee doch an doris
afore ye gang awa
There's a wee wifey waitin
In a wee But 'n Ben
If you can say
"It's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht"
Then you're all richt, ye ken

Take it away Harry Baby!

A very loose translation might be:

Have one more wee whiskey - a wee drink for the road before you go home to your wee wife waiting in your small country cottage. If you can still manage to talk without slurring your words then you're not too drunk.

Oh and that final bit if you can say it's a beautiful bright moonlit night then you're all right - you understand?

By the way Whiskey means "water of life".

It’s all about clichés and catch phrases at the end of the day.

The silly election season has finally dawned. We are in for the plethora of clichés and catch phrases. Statement by the two antagonists Clark and Key are often prefaced with “it’s all about ..”

It’s all about a fair deal for all New Zealanders.
It’s all about health care and education
It’s all about tax cuts for ordinary New Zealanders.
It’s all about who you can trust.

It about all you can stand ….

Is that a black hole before me I see?

Well we haven’t disappeared down a black hole yet. The Large Hadron Collider is up and running. To those of us with a fascination for things sub-atomic and quantum, it is exciting stuff. Don’t ya just love the old Spooky action at a distance? What a slap in the face for the speed of light.

Well those old protons are getting round rather fast up there in the and Higgs Boson is the name any self respecting parent should call that next child.

This particle accelerator is 27 km in circumference – do the maths and that’s a little under 9 km in diameter. The protons will be getting up to around 99.999999% of light speed. Now remember the number of decimal places really counts in the quantum world! They are accelerated by large supercooled magnets. Now, don’t forget a proton has some substantial mass (compared to an electron) so that is a big call!

Okay then these protons slam into one another. The protons cover the circuit 11,000 times in one second (faster than Usain Bolt). They are looking for Higgs Boson. Steven hawking reckons they won’t find it and has put $100 where his mouth is.

Who Wants to be a Pauper – Nu Zulun?

She left without so much as a brass razoo. A sad start to Who Wants to be a Millionaire . And a very lonely start to Nu Zulun’s version of WWBM And it wasn’t her fault. She was a bright reasonably intelligent young woman. The questions were ridiculously tough for the first $1000. Her phone-a-friend (a school principle) didn’t know what make the fleet of ministerial cars were. I had a good idea it was BMA, but certainly wasn’t 100% .

Compare the early questions with the Australian or British version of the show. The Australian and British questions were more pedestrian – designed to get most contestants to the $1000 mark. But not old penny pinching TV ONE.

It also had none of the egalitarian feel of the British and Australian shows, where ten people had to compete to get the seat. The old fastest finger first trick. Here, however ,we had one person, chosen by what means we have no idea, groomed for the seat. The second guy was a PHD.

As for Mike Hosking, the guy should stick to interviewing. TV ONE seems to constantly recycle the same old personalities with their assorted head-dressings. Hosking was certainly not in the league of Chris Tarrant who knows the meaning of “be spontaneous”.

It was of course filmed in Melbourne with a bunch of kiwi expats for the audience – more unadulterated penny pinching.

Buses are breaking down all over.

Some mornings you wonder if you will ever get to work. Why do buses break down when I am on them?

I have been involved with two bus break downs this week. The first, a leaky radiator saw us all briskly bundled off the bendy bus at Smales Farm and left to fend for our own vedices. The second was a bus that never arrived. It had “broken down”.

The company is North Star and they seem to be having some trouble maintaining their buses.

More bus bemoanings:



New buses whose door won’t open and close properly.

Ticket machines that swallow passenger cards

Those police adverts about their exciting jobs - they can keep it!

The person sitting next to you whose headphones are set at a deafening roar.

The leakey roofs and windows

Still a thumbs ups to the usually helpful and patient drivers!

But wait, hang on, get a grip, there's more!!!!

Just when you thought it could not get worse. That is the being-on-hold-clutching-a-telephone-waiting-in-line-to-speak-to-someone-while listening-to-ghastly-music experience.

It gets worse. Coming to a town near you (if it hasn’t already) we have telephone-on-hold advertising. That is while you have to wait to speak to another human, you will face the ignominy of being force-fed insane advertising down your lucky-old-ear-hole.

Winston weariness

The country of Nu Zulun is suffering from Winston weariness. The never-ending stupefying saga of “who gave what to NZ First and who knew about it” has driven thousands across these three fair islands to abandon newspapers and give up watching the news on television.

While the media have a field day in their feasting frenzy, fatigue is all that is registering with “ordinary Nu Zulundus”.

Exhausted kiwis are taking refuge from the tedium by watching paint dry, sewing tight any loose buttons, cutting their lawns with a pair of small scissors and collecting haggis recipes.

Where, they ask, have the heady days of “Man bites dog” gone?

Fantastic to have you with us

I take a modicum of pleasure in TV One’s Breakfast show. I miss Paul Henry. Apparently he returns to our screen soon – I can’t wait. I didn’t always like Paul, but here is a guy with really a spontaneous sense of humour. He laughs at is own jokes aka Billy Connelly.

To be an announcer on this programme you have to master certain opening lines:

Brilliant you could join us.
Fantastic to have you with us.

Fantastic and brilliant can be swapped or replaced by great, fabulous, marvelous.

I have yet to hear incredible, sensational, stupendous, extraordinary… but it is only a matter of time.

I guess that why I like the show .. it gives you a buzz furst thung un a Nu Zulun morning to be so appreciated!! By people who don’t even know you exist!

But imagine the truth!

Unlikely to have you with us
Bizarre to have you with us
Amazing that you could join us
Absurd to have you with us
Awful to have you with us

But first here is Mirama with the news!

or is that Tamati with the weather?

Just a walking in the rain

There is a new craze. It is called pedestrianism. No, I didn’t spell Presbyterianism wrong. It basically means getting around on foot – that is by running or walking and I guess zimmer frames count.

Actually pedestrianism was all the rave in the 19th and early twentieth century when people would travel for hundreds of miles on foot. It seems that both marathon running and race walking trace their origins to groups of dazed people staggering around the byways and highways of Europe and American These days it centres around a new urbanism which eschews motorized transport in favour of legging it.

Apparently there is a course at a University of Iowa in the subject of Aggressive Pedestrianism. All sorts of papers are offered at Bachelors and Masters levels. You can get a BA Ag Ped or an MA Ag Ped. You can even do a doctorate.

Some of the papers offered are:

999:001 Foundations of Jaywalking

999:010 Accelerated Rhetoric/Accelerated Walking

999:080 Traffic Signs and Semiotics

999:620 Street-Walking, Street-Crossing, Cross-Dressing

My running club is leading the pack in Nu Zulun in this area, though they don't called in Pedestrianism - they don't want to be thought too religious! They call it by the quaint old term WALKING.

Which reminds me a key event they hold annually is coming up soon:

King and Queen of the mountain

Rumour has it that a man in a frock carrying a handbag competed with distinction last year!

Become a sports announcer

Here is a another list taken from NZ Olympic sports broadcasters. Learn these to get a job! Especially for commentating on marathons

No stone has been left unturned for a medal
It's every man for himself
keeping their gun powder dry for the business end of the race
It's all come down to this
The pace is hot - the day is hot
Can he survive?
He's having to focus - having to concentrate
We have some serious casualties here
Just starting to struggle
We've seen this before
It's getting tough
Drifting off the back -just like that
This is where it starts to count
It's going to take something special
It is fast - it is furious
Maybe just starting to show some signs of wear and tear

Sort the wheat out from the chaff

AND my favorites!

He's put all his cookies in the first half of the marathon basket
Anything can happen at any time for any of those runners.

The old weetbix – she ain’t what she used to be.

A friend of mine at the running club reckons that modern weetbix is not a match for the stuff of his youth. He complains bitterly that when you pour hot mail on it, it does not break up and disintegrate as in days of old. There is the feeling of conspiracy in his voice. I jokingly suggested that it was micro-waved hot milk that was at fault. My friend has switched to porridge – the staple of the Scots. My scottish mother was given up for dead 6 years ago

I’m sorry everything that could be wrong is wrong with her …

She’s still heartily zimmer-framing around the rest home as feisty as ever. She’s been a porridge girl every day of her life. She’s going on 87 and as recently decided to give up smoking for good – as you often do at 87.

Get a move on ladies!

The mens 5000 metres was superb: the women’s 5000 metres was a total bore. It took decades for women’s middle distance running to become part of the Olympic programme. There was nothing longer than 400 until 1964 and after that gradually longer events were added.
However, at Athens and now at Beijing, women are proving beyond all doubt they do not deserve to have these events. The women are simply not competitive and have set new depths of utter Olympic boredom. Some laps in the 5000 metres were run in over 90 seconds. The finishing time was pathetic. Watching the race you could be forgiven for having a death wish. Compare this with the mens 5000 metres run by Bekele of Ethiopia in a world class time. Bekele had already won the 10 000 metres. What an athlete and how he dealt to those Kenyans swallowed up in his Beijing track dust.

They dropped the stick!

If you live in the USA, you could be forgiven for thinking that the only people competing at the Olympics are Americans. They give new meaning to the word parochial. Yet they complain of Chinese censorship. With the Olympics, the US becomes completely self-absorbed. It is solipsistic, egoistic self-absorption – narcissism on a grand scale.

Sadly they were not united in either the men's or women's 4 x 100 metres relay cos they dropped the old stick twice! What is this? Kids in the schools sports don't drop the baton. Yet these Olympic Americans can't keep the baton off of the ground.

I used to think that Nu Zulun coverage was parochial – but all is forgiven. Nu Zulunders are in fact generous in their praise for sports talent from whatever country. Indeed Nu Zulun TV commentary is peppered with superlatives about athletes from other countries, including the USA.

The unforgiving minute

Within the bell lap in the Olympic 1500 metres - the so-called blue ribbon event - there lies about one minute in which the most iconic dramas in track and field have been played out. It is lap that calls for great intelligence, incredible coolness and supreme strategizing. It also calls for finding that something deep within oneself that transcends the rational, explainable realm of the everyday world.

With the bell lap for Nick Willis last night, things look rather dicy. Nick is second to last. Yet with intelligence, coolness and strategizing, he gets a bronze medal. Only those who have run this distance themselves truly understand what a splendid piece of work on the hoof this is.

What is so likeable about Nick is the sense of humility he brings to his performance. He presents himself as a thoughtful Christian man who is not intent on proselytizing or Bible bashing anyone. He simply shares where his strength lies - his God. Beyond that, his legs, his running, his discipline and his decency signpost that transcendent reality that has become for him the bedrock of his life.

So back to Kipling's words:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

Best Olympian Ever

Michael Phelps is a phenonmenon. But is he the best Olympian ever? As many have pointed out, in swimming there are many ways to get up that pool, and thus obviously far more chances of winning a medal. There is no backwards running - or sideways for that matter.

The best Olympian ever? It is a daft question. It's comparing apples with durian. Al Oerter won 4 consecutive discus golds over a period of four olympics setting new Olympic records each time.

Paavo Nurmi? Carl Lewis? You add your favourites .... Let's stop asking dumb questions - there are a few - in their respective events - of calibre and achievement that leave us gob-smacked. To compare is to insult.

Turns out we do

Yes Indeed... Valerie Vili was totally in control. Magnificent concentration and a superlative putt.

It is times like these we need to avoid the cliches.

Yet cliches are what our Olympic commentators feed upon.

I jotted down a few in the space of ten minutes:

this is the business end of the race.
this is where the going gets tough.
digging deep and taking up the gauntlet.
someone has to do something.
the race is her's to loose.
it's difficult to hang in there and maintain your composure.
it will come down to a sprint finish.
she'll hear the roar of the crowd any minute.
giving it a go.
giving it everything she's got
to get the job done
this is an example of what not to do
they have to get it together
you've hit the nail on the head
as things stand
starting to tie up a little

Master these phrases and you could be another Toni Street!

Nick Willis could well be in the medals. Or now that medal is becoming a verb. Nick Willis could well medal in the 1500 final.

1500 finals are notorious for slow starts. I suspect this one will be no expception. The best 800 metre runner should win it. The most masterly 1500 ever was Rome, 1960. Herb Elliott took control with about 600 m to go and ran a time of 3:35.6 which is still very respectable these days.

Rising to the occasion

One of the concerns after the 2004 Athen’s Olympics was that many Kiwi competitors were unable to cope with the stress and demands of the occasion. It was a criticism too of the All Blacks after the world cup.

Are the wheels coming off the NZ team’s performance at Beijing? Too often the expression “heart-break for so-and-so in the pool" or whatever event is becoming a frequent refrain by the broadcasters.

The question is: Have our Kiwis got the intellectual and emotional merchandise to hit pay-dirt or will it be a case of fade-out, let down and wipe-out when things matter most?

Let’s hope we have some in Beijing who have a little of that magnificent control of Snell at the Tokyo Olympics in 64. Watching reruns of his 800 and 1500 metres, one can only marvel at his masterly domination in both finals.

Measure that pool again

The americans including boy-wonder Phelps did the 400 free relay in a time of 3:08.24, smashing four seconds off the previous world record.
How can that be? Astonishing.

Years ago they had an international marathon here in Nu Zulun - the notorious Choysa marathon of November 13, 1977. Some Australian dude, Dave Chettle, won it in an a time of 2:02:24 which was minutes under the world record. - Suspicion was aroused and the course remeasured - it was a short course.

Home can be a dangerous place

In was a glorious though chilly Sunday morning in Auckland town in old Nu Zulun. I took a long steady walk with friends around the beach and rocks between Milford and Takapuna. The rocks require a certain dexterity to avoid injury. We negotiated them without misfortunate. Later in the morning I fell down some stairs-come-ladder at home and sustained some nasty grazes. The rest of the day was spent on the couch tending wounds, sipping ale and watching the Olympics.

falling in love is so hard on the knees ....

Holdin hands at midnight waiting for the games

With bated breathe and eager anticipation I await the opening ceremony. However, I know when the hours cometh in Nu Zulun (2:08 am on the 9th of August) I will probably have slunk off to bed.
We are not that former strength which moved heaven and earth …

They’ll play the highlights at a more Godly hour. Tis then I shall watch









And I'll have a little refreshment as I do.

TVNZ have a great Olympic site and so far … great coverage. Indeed they were one of the first overseas TV crews to set up in Beijing.

Who’s gonna win what? My interest is the track and field. I shall make my prediction before the final. See how many I get.

Get a grip of yourself Nu ZULUN

Well, it’s official Nu Zulun is in recession. Or at least we have talked ourselves into a recession. A few days ago we were “slipping into recession”.

Who's gonna help us!

And before that “the economy was softening”.

It’s hardly a hard science. But they give so-called empirical evidence using the language of science. It is now a “technical” recession. (ie. Two consecutive three months periods of contraction (sounds like a long hard labour!). And admittedly we’ve been had by labour for a long time.


So now we are “in the grip of a recession.” This recession folks has got us by the short and curlies! We have “to tighten our belts.”

Even the BBC says so … we are in contraction.

What is contraction? Negative growth folks. - 0.3% the quarter before this and probably something similar this last June quarter.

So the lolly scramble is over! But on the bright side the dollar is heading down and overseas students are heading our way agin!

The auspicious opening ceremony

666 is not a popular number among Christians but 888 is most auspicious (the number of resurrection they say). Likewise the old 8 appears auspicious for the opening ceremony. 8:08 on the 8 of the 8th, 2008. That's 88888!!

Free Photo Bank
Trouble is:
A smoggy day in Beijing town
had me up and it had me down
viewed the games with much alarm
the Birds Nest might loose its charm

How long I wondered would this smog last

but the age of miracles had not passed ....


Suddenly you were standing right there and in old Beijing town the sun was shining shining shining everywhere!!

I was in Beijing back in 1984. My, things were different then. Shops for foreign visitors were called souvenir shops. There were no great shopping centres and the Mao suit (in blue or green) was ubiquitous.

The Forbidden City was mindblowing - the Emperor's Place likewise. We lined up to see the Great Helmsman lying in state. It was great to see something of the old China before the vast changes.

The Olympics Draweth Nigh

Let the curtains be drawn, the cellphone switched off, and fast food meals be stacked up frozen in the fridge. The Olympics is (not are - it is a singular like maths and physics) upon us. I admit I can't wait. Sadly, I suspect Nu Zulun will not win that many medals.

I do suspect China will spring many surprises - even in track and field - which is not their strong point.

I hope the bad ghosts of Olympics past (Munich, Montreal) stay away.


Sadly. my own form

as you can see is

not quite up to Olympic Standard


Run rabbit, run rabbit run, run, run .....

Attack is the best means of defence

Nu Zulun liked most countries is blighted and benighted by an infestation called politicians. These creatures who plague is particularly acute in our capital, Wullungtun, are often overwhelmed by their own sense of self importance.

Chief among them is one Winnie Petus, who, when questioned by the media about donations to his party, gives the most incomprehensibly incoherent replies that make lewis Carrol's "brilig and the slithy tove" emminently reasonable.

He is the kind of guy who might well think the sun only rises in the morning to hear him crow.

Those stupid storm warnings

Nu Zulun has no sensible way of dealing with storms.
Vague warnings about gale force winds and innane cliches - "batten down the hatches"
rule the storm discourse.






The Philippines is far more advanced in this matter.
Every storm/typhoon is graded

The grade or level of intensity indicates exactly what kind of damage to expect and whether or not schools should be shut.


Pagasa which stands for the Philippines Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomic Services Association have a splendid and very accessible website.

Gonna try and get out for a walk tonight

If the weather holds off and the knees hold out!

Think I have found a cure!!

Those damned fast walkers

Imagine walking 10 km in 37 mins 53 secs. Now that is down right indecent.
Most runners would give their right arm to run it that fast.
Francisco Javier Fernandez (Don't ya love those Spanish names!) did it in the Spanish champs yesterday.
It was a new world record (needless to say).

What a performance!

When you do the maths - the perfomance is staggering

Each kilometer in around 3 min 47 secs!
Each mile in 6 mins 12 secs.

and always hopefully - one foot on the ground!

I walked 7.5 km in 46mins recently in a walk relay, churning out each km in 6 mins 12 secs - and I thought I was going fast.

Walking in the sunshine ... sing a little sunshine song

put a smile on your face as if there's nothing wrong ...


Another storm bearing down on Nu Zilun

Batten down the hatches agin!

Reckin this'l keep me safe from that there storm!

But I can't see me walkin too fast in this outfit

In days of old when knights were bold and ...

These damned storms

It was a wild, wet windy weekend ... the biggest storm for 10 to 15 years was predicted
to slam into Nu Zilun

Yours truly set about laying in supplies and taping up big windows
fortunately it was milder than expected in Auckland Town.

It was good practice, I guess for the BIG ONE.

The radio was next to useless with advice very short on facts - very big on cliches
... the mantra
batten down the hatches ... was repeated endlessly

What was that supposed to mean?

Button up your overcoat ....

those damned finance companies

Hanover finance eh!
I always thought they were hand over finance.
I've stuck with the big boys - the banks
but yo gotta feel for the "mum n dad" investors.


My dad did a marathon in 3 hrs 30 at the age of 60
he was a natural sportsman
cricket, soccer, swimming, golf, you name it.

Gonna get out for a walk 2moro and test out those knees - hopefully before the storm hits.

"Christopher Robin didn't stop to wonder. He was already back in his house, putting on his waterproof hat, his waterproof boots, and his water proof macintosh as fast as he could"

"Tut tut .. it looks like rain"

Those damned knees!

It had to happen... pounding the road
My knees have rebelled
I am down to a walk and a boring old exercycle
dear God

"Round and round I go
down and down I go
caught in a spin ..."

Those damned endorphins

What is it about running? It windy, wet, and wild and who needs it? Yet out ya go. Pound the turf ... dodge the traffic. A few kms into it and you're in the zone!! Running is so elemental - so basic - 12 kms later ... you get home ... And you wouldn't swap a million bucks baby ...

for that feeling ... of being fit, lean and mean.

I get no kick from champagne

mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all

but tell me why could it be true?

that I get a kick out of you!!